The other side of love story...

I must confess that I have been watching a lot of romantic movies lately and even though it made me glad that the protagonists do end up together in the end.. my heart went out for the ones who are the collateral damage of this love story. Almost every love story has one or two collateral damages who lend a intriguing twist to the story and in most cases are depicted as the villain of the movie. The collateral damage I am referring to here, is the person whom the protagonists are dating /married /living in with, when they realise that they love each other and chuck their partners in matter of few seconds to be with the ones they truly belong. In the end, we always have tears of joy that the love story was with a happy ending vis-a-vis the protagonists, no one bothers to think what ever happened to the "other person". Love stories are so romanticised that no one even thinks of the person who lost out; whose dreams were shattered and in many cases was left to bleed when their partner decide to walk out on them.


If a story was to be made on someone who lost out, how would it go? Imagine.. maybe it would sound something like this. There was once a girl who knew not what love was. All her life she learnt not to depend on the kindness of the universe.. rather believed on the merit of hard work. She lost both her parents at a young age and life had prepared her for the tough road ahead. All through her teenage life she faced difficulties and made things work for her. After graduation, she landed into a wonderful job and finally began to live a life she always aspired, a life of plenty. Then, she meets this wonderful guy at work and things that she never thought possible begin to happen.. she falls in love with him. During their courtship, she understands this guy and knows more about him. She knows that he has been out of a long relationship with a bad breakup and tries her best to make her own space in his life. Over a period of time he begins to appreciate what she has done for him and how she has stood by him and helped him overcome a tough time and feels its better to be with the person who loves you rather than the person you love. Years pass by, one day she gets "the proposal" from him. Life finally had given her all that she ever asked for.. life had given her in abundance for all that it had taken from her during her childhood and growing up years. Over the next few weeks she spends every waking moment planning her wedding and the life with the person she loves. Then, one fine day, out of the blue comes the ex-girlfriend of her fiancee .... regrets her past mistakes and begs him to take her back. Her fiancee has a epiphany that in fact he still loves his ex-girlfriend and he was going to compromise by settling for this woman and runs off with her. Now, life has turned a full circle.. she is again condemned to a life where she is made to realise that she was unwanted by the one person whom she loved the most. All her dreams were shattered by the person whom she helped get over a bad patch in his life; in fact she is left alone for loving someone selflessly.


Now, lets see if we still feel happy for the protagonists that they found love in the end. Was all well, in the end, that looked so well? I don't think so. If they were truly meant to be together, they would have believed in their love and waited for the other person to show up and not build their dreams on the tears of a person who had nothing to do with their "love story" but was loving one of them in good faith. How do we say that the protagonists was true love and our girl was not loving truly. Wasn't her love for the guy as much qualified to succeed as the ex-girlfriend who had dumped him at one time. We say all is fair in love... this surely doesn't seem fair. I rest my case.

PS: Special thanks to Mr. Kedar Amonkar, whose thoughts I am penning down in this blog.

So long....

Bad times on good people...

Let me begin with a sweeping statement, "There are no bad people in this world. Its merely bad times on good people". Sounds gibberish right ? .. Think deeper and weigh my following arguments and maybe Ill convince you on this point. I, for one believe in this statement fully and this belief helps me get by many bad experiences in life. You could give it a thought.... maybe it will explain several events in your life.


Recently, I happened to meet an ex-girlfriend with whom things did not end well. Rather, she had crushed my spirit and left me bleeding. Even though the betrayal hadn't hurt me as much, the feeling that lived was "how stupid was I.. to not have seen this coming". I vividly remember my last words to her.. " Ill see you in hell".. I did not actually want bad things to happen to her, but somehow the humiliation of being taken for a ride didn't sit well. If devil had ever walked on the earth, it had to be her... was my deepest belief. Anyhu, I happened to run into her the other day and we exchanged pleasantries.. well not quite.. if looks could kill.. well you can guess the rest. It was not a nice meeting and I was very curt and caustic in my interaction. It felt nice.. felt like venting out a long held frustration. She, on the other hand was quite pleasant and replied to my un-pleasantries.. in a civil manner. That night, I got call from her and we spoke, spoke for few hours and during this, she explained every single thing she had done to me. Took pains to apologise for all the hurt feelings and said.. "You are the most cheerful person I ever met, if I have to see you pissed off.. means I have hurt you too badly.. Am sorry". After I hung up that night, I realised I was no longer angry at her. In fact, I endorsed all the things she did to me and felt I would do the same if I was in her situation. Quite a talk eh!!!


There can be so many instances that I can write about where people who cause us hurt feelings are hated until.. one fine day we realise.. it was the circumstances that were bad.. not the people involved. To make another sweeping statement, even a murderer or a rapist has a certain "just motive" behind the crime; its perverse to us, but to that person its a just cause. I say, if I were in their shoes and faced those circumstances, maybe I would be a criminal.. just like them. I don't have evidence to prove otherwise.


Last Sunday, I heard the pastor read from the bible, a verse, which is appropriate for this discussion. He said "Walk a mile in the shoes of others.. before you judge them". It explained the entire situation with the girlfriend to me. Maybe it will talk to you too. If we understand that people merely act out their circumstances, maybe we could cut some slack for the people in our life. If we realise that the sole aim of a friend who betrayed us.. or a parent who was harsh to us.. or a neighbour who ridiculed us, was not to hurt us; they would have done it anyway... its just we were co-incidentally at the receiving end. Life would seem so much better... the feeling of being a victim would not haunt us and we would live more in harmony with ourselves.

So long....

Happy birthday !!!

It was my mom's 75th birthday and I had promised to get her a diamond ring to commemorate the jubilee year. I bought her the ring a week prior to her birthday and my wife suggested we bring it to her on her birthday and spend the day with her. Of late, my mom seemed a little lonely and spending a day with her would be the kind of "pick me up" she needed. I took the day off and decided we will make that day special for her. However, on that day I recieved an urgent call from work and had to go. I asked my wife to visit my mom and present the gift on our behalf and I would try and join in. The work took longer than expected and late in the evening I got a call from my wife telling me that she had made reservations for dinner and I was supposed to take my mother out for dinner. I was not in the mood but she forced me saying my mom needed my presence to make this day special for her.


Well, I reluctantly went for the dinner and actually had a very nice time, it had been ages I had talked to my mom and this gave us an excellent opportunity to connect over dinner. In the end, I told her this would be my treat and that she would have to treat me in a bigger restaurant to which she said "anything for my son!!!". I dropped her home and reached my place. My wife was up waiting for me and asked me how did it go. I thanked her for pushing me to go out and I knew it meant a lot to my mother. Few days later I received a call from my mom and she said, it was time she treated me and said she would make reservations for dinner at a 5-star hotel for the two of us and that this "date" could not be cancelled. I was game for it; in fact waiting eagerly for it.


A week prior to our "date", my mom's friend called me in office; it was a frantic call that my mom was hospitalized and asking me to come immediately. I rushed to the hospital to see her. She had passed away before I reached. She suffered a major heart attack and was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. As I sat there in a shocked state, unable to come up with any thought or words, her friend told me that my mom was very happy that I had taken her for dinner the other night and was bragging about it with her friends... She also handed me an envelope that my mom wanted me to have. Later that night, after mom's funeral, as I sat thinking about what kind of son I had been to to my late mother, I suddenly remembered the envelope. I looked for it and opened it. There was a dinner reservation for 2 and letter which read..

" Dear Son,
You have been a wonderful son to me and I will miss you. The dinner I had with you on my birthday was the best time I had and I cannot explain how much it meant to me. Thank you for giving me a special birthday present.

Your loving
Mom.

PS: I have kept dinner reservation for you and your wife along with this. I dint know if I would be able to come along so I paid for it in advance. Do enjoy my gift. "

I wept unconsolably that night thinking of all the days I chose to be in office rather than spend time with my family and my mother.

So long....

Silver lining.. in every cloud

I was on one of my regular visits to the "Old age home" to give clothes and medicines to the homeless senior citizens and I happened to meet Hank (at least he insisted I called him that). Hank was in merchant Navy for 25 years and sailed to many destinations around the world. He began by telling me how he lived a satisfying life and had enjoyed the beauty of this world to the hilt. I could see the excitement in his eyes when he was happily recounting his hey-days and it made me wonder how lonely this guy was. Imagine, he was so deprived of human contact that he was almost bursting with excitement about getting to interact with someone, that someone he had never seen before and maybe will never see again and it made me feel sorry for him. I think he saw the pity in my eyes and stopped briefly to say "I hope you not feeling sad to see me in this state, cos I am not". While I stood there mumbling few incoherent words of apology, he said.. "You know I need a friendly ear, I get enough pity and frankly I don't understand why..am I coming off as needy ? Is it wrong to be friendly with an total stranger.." and frankly I had no answer to his questions. As I stood there blankly staring at him, he turned his gaze away as if asking me to leave.


I went and met few other people and on the way back came into Hank's room to say good bye, he sat up and looked directly into my eyes and said.. "Don't be sad for me, I have lived a full life and as I live my last few days, I have no regrets.. I have a nice room; a TV to keep me updated about latest happenings; a nice garden to have a walk..not too shabby a life for an old man in his eighties". Then he smiled and gave me a tight hug and a peck on my cheeks. While I was about to leave, he said "Promise me you will live a life with no regrets and try and spend some time for yourself every day".. as I was nodding smilingly he said "Thank you" with tears in his eyes, "the time you spent with me will be memorable". I left with a strange feeling that day. I had planned to meet Hank the next time I was there because I felt I had seen a friend in him.


3 months later when I visited with next batch of medicines, I heard Hank had passed couple of weeks after I last met him. The matron told me that he was very happy the last few weeks and happy that he had "young friend". She told me that for last 15 years Hank was with them, he had lost his wife and his children were not able to take care of him. He voluntarily moved in the "Old Age home" with his stuff and began to live there. Whenever he was reminded of his wife and family, he would sit and talk for hours about his life as sailor; about places he had seen and life he had lived. It made him feel validated. I happened to meet him on one of those days and instead of listening to him could conjure only handful of pity for the old man. Was there a smaller man than me!!! It also struck me that most people we meet in life "accidentally" touch our life in their own little way. No one expects us to alleviate their pain, but everyone loves a friendly ear. If we could give our time instead of our pity, we will be much better human beings.


I still spend some time for myself every single day and remember Hank when I am at "low points" of my life. If Hank could afford a smile after being "unwanted" by his own family for 15 years, I could smile my little troubles away by remembering my "good times". Its all about finding the silver lining I guess.


PS: This is a true story. I hardly spent 15 minutes with Hank but he deeply impacted my life. Its the quality of time not the quantity that matters I guess.


So long.....

With great power comes great responsibility

Arundhati Roy, a Booker prize winner and more recently, a social activist and campaigner must begin to choose her words carefully. She has a command over the English language and the State of India granting her the freedom of speech, does not necessarily mean she can go to town on issues that are delicate and need political maneuvering rather than hard hammering. Its time people like her realise that not every issue needs a campaign and a champion, some issues need time and patience. Getting on the nerve of the State for every damn issue is not the way forward, it merely hardens stances and reduces the room for negotiation. Indirectly, its harming the cause of the same people whose cause she claims to espouse.


To me she is just a lose mouthed canon that goes off at wrong times and does not help any one's cause. Its time she is reined in and for good. Its time people know that the fundamental rights granted to us by the Constitution of India are inalienable but are not absolute. The misuse of the said rights will not be taken in good taste by the State. Every State needs a conscience keeper and it is for this sacred duty that every citizen must use his rights to freedom of speech, not to hammer in wrong places and cause unrest among the population. Ms. Roy seems to have lost it completely and not for the first time. She has been testing the patience of the State of India for more than a year and acting counterproductive to the same State that gives her the right to free speech.


Firstly, it was the Naxal issue. Every Indian empathises with the atrocities meted out to some tribals long-long ago. This issue was not resolved and some left wing extremists took this up to justify their war on the Indian state. They started blowing up bridges, killing police personnel and causing lot of infrastructure damage. In short, they did not allow these areas to develop on the pace that rest of India is developing. Then comes our lady Ms. Roy and speaks on the same issue, only this time, blames India for not developing these areas and conveniently ignores the destruction caused by the Naxal movement. To her, if a Naxalite kills state police personnel its justified as "self defense" but if the State is imposing the rule of law in a land where it seems to have collapsed, it becomes excesses meted out by a rouge State. In her view, India should act as a banana republic and allow every region a right to secede from the nation. God forbid, if the State imposes its authority and sovereignty, it becomes a colonial power which colonises the said regions. I cannot fathom what kind of skewed mindset this is. Is she really naive or playing plain stupid. Is she on the payroll of the enemies of the State of India, trying to stay within the society and trying to disintegrate the nation. Mind boggles with naivety of her stupid arguments.



Kashmir is seething in the fires burning and every able minded Indian is concerned about how to bring back the normalcy in Kashmir. Now, more than ever its imperative on the State not to fail its people and India is doing just that by nominating 3 interlocutors to get every shade of opinion in the valley and try to assuage the pain felt by the Kashmiri in the street. Enter our trouble seeker Ms. Roy. First in Delhi, then in Srinagar she shoots her mouth off stating that India is a force occupying Kashmir and holding it. Indian army is meting inexplicable damage on the psyche of the Kashmiri and they are tortured, raped etc into saying that they are Indians. This one sentence should not be let to pass. It undermines our soldiers and the lifelong service that they have rendered to us. It is easy to criticise the Army, putting on their hats and standing within 300 feet of the LOC, facing the enemy guns is a whole different story. The Army has been doing this for past 60 years, protecting the territorial integrity of the nation. Be it Kashmir, Nagaland, Arunanchal Pradesh or West Bengal, they stand like a sturdy wall facing all the bullets and keeping the average Indian safe in the street. The very freedom that Ms. Roy uses to shoot her mouth off is achieved by the sweat and blood of the men in uniform, so we must not denigrate them so lightly who have served us so diligently. Agreed, many mistakes have been made in handling situations but then again we must remember that army is not trained to handle civilian areas so there is bound to be some collateral damage when they operate. Mistakes made by few officers (though not condoned) cannot be extrapolated to entire armed forces and there is no case for calling them an occupying force.



If the armed personnel knew that the freedom and sovereignty of India that they protect laying down their lives, will be talked about so lightly by "intellectuals" of the nation, who, forever espouse the "human rights" of the terrorists and naxals and denigrate the very forces that protect them, they would think twice before signing up for duty. The families would not send their sons and daughters in harms way to fight for the country if the citizens are going to throw away the objectives for few sensational sound bites. People like Ms. Arundhati Roy are not loyal to anything, neither the nation nor the cause that they stand for. They are merely publicity hungry individuals who find it fashionable to make ludicrous statements in the name of "freedom of speech" and "justice for poor".


I would sincerely appeal to the likes of Ms. Roy to not play with fire and to use their influence over society for solving problems rather than stoking fire using mindless speeches and articles. Its time the "intellectuals" come out of their ideal bookish world and be part of some practical solutions to the society.

So long...

Pretty Woman

Julia Roberts and "pretty woman" go hand in hand. It was the first movie of Julia Roberts that I ever watched and even though it didn't make much sense to me (I was very young back then), I loved her screen presence and Richard Gere's panache. I am not here to talk about her though, its about my very own take on pretty woman (not the movie).

Years and years of male shallowness about female beauty has made a major impact on the female brain. Women are now, more than ever convinced that how they look constitutes a major portion about how the world perceives them. In India the love for fair skin tone is additional burden that women carry. Indians are unique, they are just fascinated by the erstwhile colonial masters and their skin tone and have accepted its superiority. It has nothing to do with racism, its pure fascination. Of late, the men have changed their view about female beauty, the fulsome bodies that once all men lusted for, are not longer all that they need. Men have gone deeper than that and accepted virtues as the best assets in a woman. They want their woman to be intelligent, empathetic, caring and understanding person rather than just a arm candy. Let me clarify, I am talking about men, not boys. Boys will forever chase the bimbos.. no doubt about that, but I was hoping that women would have began to love the real men rather than having boy-toys.


This brings me back to my earlier point, pretty woman. The thing I learnt after revisiting the movie and a few life experiences is this, the parameters that men use to find a mate have changed and its high time the women realise this. Its no longer a virtue to be a virgin bride as once understood, men find women who can take them on.... on an equal footing more sexier. Men want someone whom they can share their thoughts with, someone who understands their needs to be competitive, someone who can take care of them and love them for all their shortcomings. If this particular woman looks like Julia Roberts, great... but that's not a required attribute anymore.


Its time women wake up to this reality and know that the next time they dress to kill, they are doing it just for female competition, bcos the guy whom they wanna end up with, will have her looks as last priority and the ones that fall for looks aren't gonna be around for long.

So long...

Learning to let go...

Hi guys, back after a while. In the past few days watched a lot of romantic movies, I mean conventional chick flicks and realised that they all depict a golden rule that they don't mean to highlight in the movies. Believe me, this is the only thing that sounds true and is close to reality not all the mush that is depicted and the overdose of romance. I am highlighting on one particular point.. "learning to let go". Its not as easy as it sounds and I myself have failed miserably at this so would not be in preaching mood regarding this, but it would be great if we learnt it and tried to adopt.


Love is one of the truest emotions known to mankind and one of the happiest because while "in love" one learns to give rather than receive and puts other persons interest above their own. In short one feels powerful than the beloved and feels the control in the relationship. This works both ways. However, I am not gonna harp about the bliss of love; I am here to discuss the aftermath of a breakup. People who have gone through a breakup in life will tell you it makes you feel vulnerable, used, in some cases dirty and in most cases a loser. Well, I am here to say that you need not feel this way. You know that you did nothing wrong in loving the person and did all things possible to make the relationship work, so you don't deserve to feel so low, in fact you should feel pity for the other person and learn to "let go".


Never use a breakup to highlight each others flaws and leave the other party bleeding. Instead acknowledge that the other person made you happy and whilst the relationship is over, you will always respect the fondly remember the times spent together. Treat a breakup like the death of a relationship; you cry and feel sorrow for the death, but its wise to have a memorial and highlight the "good times" rather than spiral into a unending pit of worst possible human emotions. Like you "let go" of the person who has died but use their memories as a memorabilia that would live with you forever, you must let go of your loved one and wish them good luck in the life beyond you. Wish them well. Do not, at any cost bad mouth the person in front of friends and close relatives, always remember you loved that person more than yourself and in the death you do not insult your love.


In the end, you must use every experience in life to improve yourself as a person and a human being and if the best experience of your life is making you take an extreme step or pushing you close to insanity then it somehow isn't fair to you. I read this quote in a book " Don't love anyone so much that you cant let go", I learnt its meaning recently.

So long....

Living the Indian dream...

July 4 1776, the day United States of America declared its Independence from colonial rule using an charter called the United States 'Declaration of Independence'. The US as we know it today; is based on the constitution formed then, by its founding fathers and they swear by it even today, in the 21st century, nearly 234 years after its Independence. The founding fathers gave every American; an inalienable rights of Life, Liberty and Pursuit of happiness and people to this day call it living the American dream. Elections are fought and won on the ability to provide a conducive environment by the candidate to his fellow Americans to live the "American dream". Its this simple concept called the "American dream" that unites 350 million Americans under one roof; they are no more blacks and whites, immigrants and locals they are only Americans. They are proud of the fact that they are a beacon to a democratic world and they preach and practice it.



India was liberated from its colonial masters some 60 odd years ago. We are still a young democracy and have not yet perfected the art. There are sections of public life that are conducted as part of dynastic politics or personal fiefdom. There are many a loop holes in our "system" and no one denies that; but we are a great country despite these shortcomings. The constitution came into force in 1950 and our founding fathers put a lot of thought into the draft and kept it a live document rather than a snapshot of the past, meaning there have been constant amendments based on change of times. There are so many provisions of our constitution that we know not of, so many rights given to us that our masses don't exercise and the political class have done very little to sell brand India to its masses. Why are we so proud of America and its "system" while know very little of our own. We do not bother to know who our leaders are and what do they stand for, when the elections are held; but we know every single detail about the US president including his personal life and its gory details. Why are we so unwilling to contribute to our society and create and build brand India but more than willing to contribute to the research and economy of western nations. Its a sad state of affairs and being a proud Indian, I feel pity that 1.2 billion people are failing a great nation. We are split into people who are unaware of what they can do to help India and people who are unwilling to do anything for India.



Commonwealth games is an excellent example of the same. People like Suresh Kalmadi and his cronies knew what they had to deliver and on what timeline, some 8 years ago, yet they messed it up willfully. They failed their nation because they were unwilling to do what was required. The rest of us were so apathetic about athletic sports that we were unaware how we could help. Even now, we do not care to go and cheer our team when they are competing. Its people like us that allow the Suresh Kalmadi's to stick to an important post of IOA president for freaking 15 years, milking it dry of funds. I don't remember the last time India has won a medal in athletics, mostly because of lack of infrastructure and proper coaches and add to that corrupt officials who are willing to siphon off all the funds allocated for the players. The sad part is, this is not all that is wrong with us. There are so many ways corruption has crept into our systems that now we have began to accept it as a way of life. When was the last time we went into a government organization and got through without paying a bribe? That's the problem, accepting that we are corrupt and living with it. We, the citizens of this great country have done a great disservice to our nation and are diluting its brand value oversees. People look at us as smart and industrious; but in the same breath say we cant be relied upon and are easily corruptible.

The first thing we have to change, and quickly is refuse to be corrupted and take accountability of our actions. The moment you realise that what you do matters to the country and you are in a very small way contributing to the brand India, you will know how to differentiate the right and wrong. Chinese are fiercely patriotic in this field. They know the don't deliver best of the goods (quality wise) but every person swears by Chinese goods. They don't have best of the governments but they still stand by it and don't like to hear people bad mouthing their government. They don't have free hand to express themselves but they don't complain and find ways to make the best of existing circumstances. If they can be proud of a nation that does not even give them freedom to vote, then why not us. Why are Indians the first to bad mouth our systems rather than making an effort to change them. Why are we the first in line to abuse our rights and break our laws then use our positions to get away with it. Why don't we realise that we are the "system" and its deficiencies are our deficiencies. Just ask yourself, if we the people of India don't work for our country.... who will ???

So long....

Little victories......

Hello friends.. I recently heard a song which kinda made sense to me in many ways and I thought more people should hear about it that's why I am posting it here. Funny story, it gives out a different meaning to every reader depending on whats going on in your life. So enzoy.....

This time, I'll be sailing
No more bailing boats for me
I'll be out here on the sea
Just my confidence and me
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On the little victories

This time, I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Turn my back towards them all
I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
I'll learn to get ; I'll learn to get by
On the little victories

And if the world decides to catch up with me
It's a little victory.



Here's to all the little victories of our lives that help us motor on despite all the setbacks and failures that we face. Cheerz :)

So long..

Whatever I do is insignificant... but its important that I do it.

Hello guys, been reading a lot lately and came across this particular quote and I found it interesting. Add to that, another quote I heard President Obama use a lot, "Be the change you want to see in this world" and you have a recipe for a short story. Frankly, I do not idolise Barack Obama and I find the story of his life pretty regular, even though it may seem like "living the American dream" to many. However, I do like his views, the articulate manner in which he puts them forward and certain motivational quotes he uses from time to time in his speeches. I would pick one of them and give my 2 cents worth on the same.


Every time I think of doing something out of the regular, I used to ask myself will it matter to anyone what I do? Will anyone notice that I did a good thing towards XYZ ; will the world ever know my story. Turns out, no one cares what I do and no one is interested in it.. then should I go ahead and do it? I think I should, cos its important to me. Anna Hazare, the eternal crusader against corruption or say the countless NGOs that are working in India today, worked / work / will work despite the fact that people like us show general apathy towards the cause they take up. They do it to validate their beliefs and most importantly to be the change they want to see in this world.


Sister Teresa started the Missionaries of Charity at Calcutta when she was merely an 20 year old Nun. She used to go into the slums on Calcutta and try and nurse the poor and homeless. She had a small group of people assisting her and at that point of time. She neither had the financial or moral support to go on in this manner. Imagine, how many people must have told her to go back to her home country and run an educational institution, as most Nuns do. Imagine being in a foreign country; not knowing the language and going into the city's underbelly areas (normally infamous for shady activities) and trying to shelter the homeless; feed the hungry; clothe the poor and nurse the sick at cost of risking personal security. How many people would undergo so many adversities to take care of people you do not know, who are not even your country men with no publicity and with no one even bothering to ask "why are you doing this". Today, Missionaires of Charity is a renouned organization; Mother Teresa is a world citizen and soon the Vatican will grant her saint hood. But am sure if you asked Mother Teresa, she would say that she would have worked with same enthusiasm even without any recognition towards her work. That was because, she never did it for others to recognise, she did it to validate her inner call, to give the love of God to his less fortunate sons and daughters... most importantly to show respect towards human life.


Brings me to the original point, when we decide to do something, never think about how it is going to impact others; how many people will recognise the work, effort etc.. Always understand, whatever you do will always be insignificant at a world stage, but you must still go ahead and do it.. just for yourself... and for a fact that "If every person tries to be the change he wants in this world.. together, we can make this a better place for all" .....

So long .....

An eye for an eye makes half the world blind...

'Retribution' is one of the strongest word in English dictionary not quite as strong as 'Forgiveness' , but still strong enough b'coz it is involved in a major chunk of criminal motives. We have always heard people commit horrendous crimes to get even with each other and that brings us to the original question, why is retribution so important to us ? In other words, why is getting even with each other so important that we end up losing our minds and in many cases end up losing our lives for it.

When someone does something wrong towards us, that person knows it and is in a way burning in the guilt of it, the retribution that we seek is only gives a chance to justify that person's action in the first place and gives them even more reason to hate you. This is a vicious cycle that will never end. Whats funny though, is that none of the parties involved dare to forgive and end the matter. Its a simple solution and it seeks your revenge too. The next time someone does wrong towards you, acknowledge the fact that the wrong was done and then forgive them. Trust me, the guilt of wrong doing burns in them and brings about a change of heart and change in attitude. Its not an immediate effect, but we all know that instant solutions have never solved the problems.

In an Interview to the Press in Karachi about the execution of Bhagat Singh (23 March 1931); Gandhi begins by making a statement on his failure "to bring about the commutation of the death sentence of Bhagat Singh and his friends." He is asked two questions. First: "Do you not think it impolitic to forgive a government which has been guilty of a thousand murders?" Gandhi replies: "I do not know a single instance where forgiveness has been found so wanting as to be impolitic." In a follow-up question, Gandhi is asked: "But no country has ever shown such forgiveness as India is showing to Britain?" Gandhi replies: "That does not affect my reply. What is true of individuals is true of nations. One cannot forgive too much. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."


In today's world being a Gandhi and thinking like him is impractical, but if at one point in time we as a nation could forgive so many wrong doings of a foreign power then surely we can extend some bonhomie towards our own country men. Lets try walking past few bitter instances of life and dwelling on them, for life is all about living it up. If its impossible to forgive certain things in life, then we can surely let go of the person involved rather than seek mindless retribution. For once spake a great man, "An eye for an eye makes half the world blind"...

So long...

I gotta crush on Obama..

This song rang the ears of millions in the year 2007 /08 when the then Illinois senator Barack Obama was running for Presidential election primaries. The Obama campaign was marked by visits from many celebrities, but this song was kinda a cornerstone of the entire campaign and the "Obama gal" was present in many of his campaign trails.

Personally, having followed the campaign closely, I never gave Obama an outside chance to win the Democrat primaries.... let alone be elected the President of the United States. I had my reasons to believe that he was not a President material and him being black was not the one on my list. I remember having long discussions with my peers on his electability and the most colorful one I remember was from this guy Kwan; he said " the day a black man enters the White house, Ill run butt-naked on the school campus". That summed it up for me, it seemed the most obvious vote-bank of Barack Obama had more faith in Hillary Clinton than his candidature. People said all sort of things in the debates and the writing was on the wall.. if California and New York voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton, Obama would have no choice but retire. Guess what California and New York did vote for Hillary... rest is history.

Very few times in the history does an underdog perform, and many times you find the world cheering for an underdog to perform. The entire world was chanting "YES HE CAN" and come November 04 2008, history was made in America as Sen. Barack Obama became the first black president of the United States of America. I remember seeing millions of Americans in tears when he gave the acceptance speech and I also remember millions thronging the Capitol on 17 th Jan 2009 for his inauguration. World media covered this live..the first foe any US president.. and frankly, even before he officially took over as the President, Barack Obama seemed like the messiah who would shepherd the world out of many a crisis.

The message in this is not political.. not even a bit.. whether President Obama will stand the test of time and deliver, will he be the messiah the world hoped he would be, future holds the answers to these intricate questions. What we must understand is this, whenever in the history a great battle was won, it raised the hopes of millions that the victory will bring a new lease of life to humanity and it becomes the sacred obligation of the victor to serve this expectation to the best of his abilities.

So long.....

Confessions of a dangerous mind....

All my life I stood by a code..Love your friends more than they deserve and harm your enemies more than they deserve. I was born this way.. not something I could change about myself but yeah.. that made me a dangerous person.. as if to say.. you better be in my good books or else..

Life seems to be slipping away lately.. and like all prized possessions, I wanna hold on to it.. just a little longer.. but life is just like sand held in your hands. the more you clench the fist..the more it slips away using the gaps.

There are days I wanna kill myself, there are days I wanna kill others.. am I crazy?? I think I am.. but this is me..

I was born cheerful and thats how it seemed Ill be all my life.. why did life take a cruel twist.. now I ll never smile again...

I did things for others.. that they never asked for.. but I did it all the same.. with no expectations.. little did I know expecting me to be treated as a human was a great expectation...

This life is over and it will never be the same again... will it matter.. I dont think so.. not to the world.. not even to the person who meant the world to me...

Some emotions are better bottled up.. some emotions are better let go.. I have one... its gonna live with me forever... does this mean I stop living.. nah.. life is beautiful...

So long...

The irony of my life....

10-September-2010



Today is the last day of my life.. how do I know; cos I plan to end it today. I always felt life was not fair to me; I got a raw deal and frankly I am fed up. I will put an end to this fooling around and get some peace of mind at last. I will never have to wonder why bad things happen to good people; never have to wonder why life plays a trick where in it gives me a taste of goodness and then ruthlessly takes it all away. Life teaches us all a lesson... maybe my lesson was "life is ruthless.. end it".. and so I decided that this would be my last day.



I woke up in the morning and realized that this would be special.. no other days in calendar meant more than this day.. I wanted to enjoy all things in life before I say my byes tonight. I quickly freshened up because I didn't want to lose any minute of my last day. All throughout there was a realization in my mind that whatever I am doing was the last time in my life.I rushed to work. I told my boss that I wanted to leave early as I am planning to go on a long vacation. I took up all the work at my desk and cleared it. I was working efficiently and quick. I said my byes to my colleagues before I left...little did they know they will never see me again.. ever !!!



I got out at 2 pm There were so many things to do, one last time. I went and bought myself an expensive perfume and some nice jeans. Hell I wanted to look and smell good when they found my body. I was secretly laughing at the credit card company as I was never planning on clearing the bill ;). I went to Subway and ordered my favorite meat-ball sub.….yummm!! This is one thing I would miss. I ate my lunch leisurely and left. Damn. it was 5 pm already, just 7 hours to go and lots to do.. I reached home and quickly prepared the note. I also left all my belongings to a certain charity and some clothes to be sent to my parents as memories.




When I was done, I realized I always wanted to go to a pub and have a drink, omething I resisted all my life. I drove to the nearby pub and ordered one large drink. As I sat there sipping my drink slowly, my entire life flashed in front of my eyes. People whom I loved, people who loved me, parents, relatives, friends all the good times.. I was going to miss all of this, but it was time I left this world. It was decided. Then her face flashed in front of my eyes. I loved those eyes the most, I remember telling her that they give me zest to live.... it was ironic that those eyes will be the last thing that will flash in my mind... I slowly picked myself and walked to the parking lot. It was 9 pm. I still had to call my mom one last time, tell her how much I loved her and what she means to me. She would not forgive me but lately I was more of a liability to her than an asset. I am sorry mom I have to go. After an hour long chat with her, I felt at ease. I felt I said all things I had to tell her. I talked to my dad too.



As I drove out of the parking lot, I hit a kid. He was there all evening wiping car windows and was having shut-eye. I quickly picked him up and drove to a nearby hospital. While seated beside me, he told me that he was born to a drug addict mother. His mom was 16 when she had him and he had never seen his father. From a very young age he learnt to live by himself and take care of his mom for whom he never existed. I asked him how it feels to love and take care of a person who doesn't even acknowledge his presence, and he was quick to retort." She doesn't remember I am her son, but I do. Isn’t that enough ?". I was shaken to the core. Here I was complaining about life being harsh to me and this kid, who had never seen what love was in his entire life, was out all night earning to support himself and taking care of his mother.



I was having second thoughts on ending my life, all of sudden this kid had given me some perspective. Life was always worth living. No matter in what situation you were. I reached my apartment at 11:45 pm and quickly tore my suicide note into shreds and flushed it down the drain. I thanked God for making me realize the value of life and how I would cherish the rest of my days. Then I drank some water and as I lay in bed planning to start afresh the next day..... I realized I was planning to kill myself consuming cyanide pills and that I had mixed it with the glass of water on my bedside.. As the last few breaths left my body, I realized that life was ironic... I wanted to kill myself for so long and death did not come to me... it gave me a taste of life and then as I was enjoying it... it ruthlessly snatched it from me.... again !!!


So long...

Life is not the moments we breathe...

I vividly remember having this discussion with a certain special someone.. I was getting to know her then and asked her a question, how many days in your life do you remember very clearly and are a part of your happy place.. a place you would want to go back when you are down and rejuvenate.. She thought for a long time and said about 1 year worth. I remember telling her that in a life worth well over 25 years.. you have just 1 year worth memories and rest are just blank spaces.... too bad.. and den, I realised I wasn't any better, at 26 (soon to be 27) I had about 90 memorable days.. really special days.. and I wondered did I live the life I wanted.. I was a guy who lived life king size and if today happened to be my last day..I would have only 90days to thank for... It somehow gave me jolt.. a wake up call if I may say..

The next 6 months were memorable.. in more ways than one. As I sit here I recollect every single moment of the time I have spent in last 6 months.. maybe good times, may be bad but memorable and I remember every single detail. It was then I realised one thing.. someone was making these special for me.. It was then I realised that even if things end now.. you know life-wise.. I would thank the last 6 months than the previous 90 days I remembered. I had collected enough memories to last a life.. ( based on fact that I lasted 27 years on 90 memorable days )

Finally I had realised.. Life is not the moments we breathe.. its the moments that take our breath away :)

So long...

No matter what you are.. I'd still miss you..

Hello guys.. am back again.. this post is dedicated to all the hopeless romantics such as myself about a movie I saw recently.. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

First things first, kudos to the script writer and the director / editor for an amazing well written movie. Moving on.. spoiler alert..I am giving out the detail of entire movie; however I insist it would not spoil your experience when you watch it.

The theme of the movie is very simple.. some relationships are never meant to be.. looking back.. but no matter how it ends.. you are always glad you were a part of it and would repeat it because the reason you both were attracted to each other still stands. The movie begin with Jim Carrey suddenly taking a detour from way to work to visit Montauk, NY. This event is inexplicable and he does it with no prior plans. When in Montauk, he meets Kate Winslet and they get along like a house on fire. Jim is reserved and man of few words while Kate is a babbler.. that very same evening they go for an overnight date to Charles river (frozen during winter) and spend the night lying on the frozen river and talking. It amazes the audience as to how they have the chemistry going on with so much diversity in their thoughts and behaviours.

The movie goes to a flashback... Jim is all in tears and talking to his sister and brother in law that Kate is not picking his calls or even recognising him.. turns out she underwent a brain procedure that made her forget all thoughts and events related to Jim. Jim is devastated and simply cannot come to terms with the loss of Kate's presence in his life and decides to undergo the procedure himself. The following 90 minutes of the movie is Jim going through each and every thought involving Kate and himself in reverse chronology and it appears to the audience that someone is erasing his memories about her. It so happens that after more than half of the memories are erased, Jim realises that there was a deeper reason why he was in love with Kate and wiping her memories will not help him.. he wanted to maintain atleast one memory so that he can remember her all his life.. but its too late.. things have gone beyond his control. He tries hard to subvert the machine, but it turns out that its gone well beyond his control. He wakes up the next day having absolute no memory of Kate, except a message in his subconscious that she wanted to meet him in Montauk. That brings us to the beginning of the movie..

They return from their overnight date and find 2 cassettes bearing their name and upon hearing them, they find all about hating each other and having undergone the painful procedure. While they discuss in the hallway that if they continue dating this is gonna happen again, the movie ends with Jim saying to Kate that even if the relationship is doomed to fail, he would still wanna try. The movie shows 2 people who should not have been together in the first place for they were so different from each other.. so wide was that chasm that it made one of them to take an extreme step of going for a brain procedure. When all that was done, they still could not forget why they were attracted to each other and when situation gave them another chance to meet, they rebuild on the same chemistry.

There are several things that you would not like about your partners, but you would be surprised to know that you would miss them like hell for those same things you hated them for... when they are gone. Accept the shortcomings in your relationships and still work on building it with what you have, for there is nothing like a perfect relationship :)

So long....

Why me... again...

Have you noticed how we keep falling into the same patterns repeatedly, especially in relationships?

It took some time but finally she realised there was more than coincidence to blame for the way she kept getting let down by people she trusted the most. She would promote their interests, help instill confidence. And then the same person would turn around and stab her in the back!
This happened not once, not twice, but several times till she started losing confidence and became distrustful of all around, even close friends. It started way back in nursery class, when she would leave her prized pencil box with best friend Reema whenever she visited the washroom. “And still mom, my erasers and pencils get stolen,” she would complain.
Till one day Reema was caught stealing someone else’s stationery! And, Sanjukta realised she had been entrusting her property to the class thief! In fact, it took years of similar experiences before she realised something was seriously wrong! She invariably ended up trusting the wrong person!

It is then that she started questioning why this was happening to her repeatedly. Why me? Why does this happen to me again and again? Sounds familiar? Think about this; all of us go through recurring patterns with something or the other, usually someone or the other. Stray incidents manifest themselves as patterns once we recognise their frequency.

A psychiatrist friend talks of a woman who after an abusive marriage, walked into another wedlock with a guy who not just had an extra-marital affair, but is also mentally abusive. This particular lady comes from a privileged background and is an intelligent and well-sorted person. The psychiatrist wonders how such a bright and evolved woman could have chosen wrong both times for herself!

Such a recurring pattern may be negative, but could also be positive, points out friend and astrologer Sunita Chabra. However, we are unlikely to note the positive incidents; they get taken for granted. We are convinced that we are essentially good people and so don’t question the good things that come our way. It's only when things start going wrong that we start watching out for and questioning patterns! It’s then that we start blaming the world around for the chaos we find ourselves in.

Dr Brian Weiss, renowned American psychiatrist and past life therapist, explains that we get into recurring patterns because there are lessons to be learnt from past lives that we haven’t imbibed and till such time that we do so, we will find ourselves falling into the same trap again and again. Sunita agrees. However she says though we could blame Destiny for some of these recurrences, some could be due to flaws in our own personality too.

Dr Deepak Raheja, psychiatrist and psychotherapist, couldn’t agree more. “A pattern of abuse is like a self-fulfilling prophesy,,” he says. “It’s a defence mechanism called projective identification where we pull and attract through behaviour or our body vibrations situations or people who inflict similar kind of pain or act in a manner that helps the environment go wrong. And then we say the world is too chaotic for us! The paranoid instinct takes over and the picture that emerges is a tarnished, paranoid image.”

In order to break such destructive patterns, the first step is awareness. First, an understanding and an acceptance that one is a victim of such a recurrent destructive pattern, then an awareness as Dr Raheja points out, that the problem is within, not outside us. “We have to understand that the chaos we visualise the world to be, is actually a reflection of the chaos within us. We are attracting those people and situations towards us.”

So, a certain amount of soul searching is important. Even if we cannot understand why we are on this self-destructive trajectory, just an awareness that we are on it, is enough to set us on the path of healing. In fact, Dr Raheja goes a step further and says that these negative occurrences or people are not really destructive, but friendly because they help make us aware of the problem within. “Emotions that inflict pain help us develop cognitive skills that take us to the next level.”

Once we become aware, we can evolve to a higher plane of consciousness where we take ownership for our own actions and it’s from here that the change begins. Dr Raheja quotes Buddhism, which teaches you to pray for those that harm you most because they do so in order to help you realise problems within.

And, it’s when you start thinking thus that your cosmic relationship with that particular person starts changing and there is a break in negative patterns. And so, you stay away from the people or situations, who though still around, are not getting dragged into nor dragging you into recurrent patterns

So long...

** This blog was written by Vinita Dwara Nangia, I liked the thought line and published the same here **

Pyaar impossible.. its possible hain na ??

Recently I heard a puzzling statement from someone, " love does not mean ending up married to each other, there is a more profound meaning to it and it goes much beyond proximity". I wondered why would anyone fall in love with another human being and not want to end up together. She told me a story to prove her point and I hope I narrate the story to the desired effect as it was meant by her. As a precursor, I am posting this out of my memory and if I end up not depicting this rightly I apologise to the protagonists, I meant to highlight the point stated above using your story.



Sam (Sameer) was like the guy next door, he was quiet in his mannerism and a very upright character. He was like this shy character that you donut tend to pick out among more flamboyant creatures who tread the college turf. There was no air of superiority about him or was there any high handedness in his behaviour. He was simple unassuming college guy who had a look of responsible and mature man and not typical college boy charms. Vibha was the college sweetheart, she had the oomph and she was very aware of it. In short she was the type of gal you cant help but notice on a college campus. Ever lively and full of life. This story is about them, how they met, fell in love and lived happily ever after.



Sam was never bitten by the love bug, ever in his life and had not known what it was to love another person or be loved by another person. All his notions about this emotion was from the movies and he never thought that beyond all the glamour there was such a thing called LOVE. Vibha was very familiar with this emotion as she had seen from her teenage years guys pursuing and declaring their love for her. Feeling the emotion of being loved and wanted was pretty routine and needles to say she had a few attempts at relationships.



Any hu, moving on... for the first time in his life, Sam felt a strange tug in his heart towards this chic named Vibha from the same group. A tug he couldn't explain and couldn't describe as he didn't have anything to compare it to. All he knew was, that she meant a lot to him and given a choice he would choose her happiness over his. He always remembered the day they were introduced by a common friend and was always grateful to that person for getting him introduced to such an amazing girl. Sam and Vibha's friendship clicked and they spent a lot of time together and at times when they were not together, they were hooked on to the phone chatting with each other. In short the beginning of romance was pretty much on expected lines, however, the romance for Sam was mere affection for Vibha. It was yet another affectionate friend to her as this was familiar territory; Sam was hugely smitten and this novel rush of blood was exciting and he yearned her company more and more.



Finally the day arrived when he said, he confessed his true feelings for her and she behaved much on expected lines like any female would do. Basically telling him, try harder dude, I am not feeling the emotions yet !! Internally, she knew he was more than a friend, but she wanted the feeling to get stronger by denying it to herself. Finally the day arrived when she agreed to be in a committed relationship with him. Sam was overjoyed. He could finally see the writing on the wall; MBA degree; a well paid job; Vibha as his partner ;life time of happiness. That's the power of first love, you tend to build too many castles in first few days and always assume relationship is all about the good times.



Life taught him the hardships of maintaining a relationship pretty soon. The major fault or double fault a guy commits is wishing away the girl's past life; that includes all her friends, her ex boyfriends basically the entirety of her life without him. This hits hard in first few days and the smart ones try to get involved and create a rapport with the girls' life outside his bubble and the dumb ones try to fight away. Sam was different, even though he knew he was on par with her pals, he never complained; he kept showering her with presents et al. trying to make her feel special all the time. Vibha, who was so used to being "apple of the eye"; couldn't see his special efforts as he meant them and it many times he ended up irritating her by coming off as a guy who marks his territory. The heartache and tiffs continued. It was simple issue of the girl not letting her new relationship come in the way of her friends and the guy wanting to be around her all the time. Both were right in their respective places, all they needed was a perspective about the other.





Sam was heartbroken many times and Vibha let him bleed, and when Vibha felt suffocated, Sam didn't back off; but even after the offs and ons the relationship grew stronger as the days passed and the day arrived when the topic of commitment was discussed. Sam was pretty sure about Vibha and so was she about him and both wanted to be married to each other. Sam not being good with words, was not able to explain to Vibha about his family and their expectations about the couple and the message that went across to her was that, this relationship can be built only at the cost of compromising a lifestyle, a career and everything she loved about life. Vibha was not ready to let go of entire identity just for the sake of of this relationship and Sam was not able to instill that confidence in her that all things could be worked out. After a harrowing experience of friction, the couple decided to part ways amicably. Their friends tried to make them understand that they were doing a mistake and they should in fact be together, but somehow no one saw reason and the relationship ended. It just wasn't meant to be.




College was over and friends drifted apart and went on their separate journeys of life. Sam and Vibha stayed in touch but was just superficial. Vibha met this guy at work and started dating him and soon forgot all about past and moved on. A year on, Vibha received a call from Sam. He was getting engaged to be married soon to this girl of parents choice and he wanted to meet Vibha and talk to her. They met; they talked and soon it was evident to them that their love for each other had not died, they had assumed that living apart and being involved with other people would give them the necessary closure, but it didn't. Vibha felt a strange sense of loss that Sam would be married to another person and that was kinda last nail in the coffin and there was no hope. They talked and talked of how they could have acted better and saved a wonderful relationship but how it was too late for them and nothing could be done.





That day, before they left, they decided that they will keep that special place in their heart for each other, maintain contact provided their spouses do not mind and nurture this as a friendship that could have been so much more. Vibha never forgave Sam for not trying hard enough to convince her and Sam always thought Vibha could have been a little more mature. But in the end it was all about "would have beens" and that's what brought an unnatural end to this beautiful relationship. Some wise person recently told me, 9 out of 10 relationships don't work out or end in a divorce. The one that sticks is because there is one person in the relationship who is fighting hard to keep the relationship alive. There are no perfect relationships and most relationships grind you down. The trick lies in wanting to be there and fight it even when things suck....



So long....

The Art of Dying...

Death is the solemn truth of our lives and yet somehow we ignore or choose to ignore it. People bat for life vs. death all the time and yet we all know at the end it is always death that turn up trumps. All of us plan our lives and yet we somehow choose to ignore the basic truth about us; we never plan our death. Partly because it is not in our control how our life ends, but so is the course of our life; we never know how our life will turn out to be and yet we plan every single detail about it. The truth is, we are afraid to accept death as the final fate, it is as a writer put it, "We see death in various ways every single day and yet those who live, plan to live on forever". Maybe it is the belief that "I will not die" that helps us achieve great things, but we need to plan our death as we plan our life, because each one of us has a right to die honorably as we live honorably.





Adolf Hitler was a great man in many ways, a mass leader and a born ruler. People who met him swore by his charisma and his ability to form mass opinions. He had the ability to plan with very fine detail about his attacks on enemy territory and how to hold and rule it. He had a military which lived and died on his command. Basically, he held absolute power in Germany and challenged the might of the Soviet Union and United States of America and was taking control over most of Europe. Even with such absolute power, he never spent enough time to think about his death. He spent way too much time planning his life and not enough planning his death. When it finally came, he was not ready for it. We don’t remember him much for the death he met on the way out of this world, but I do wish his death was more honorable and not a tame suicide in his personal chambers. Not a fitting end for a grand life he lived. Maybe he should have planned it better.



I find it ironic that M.K. (Mahatma) Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. both of whom spent their life preaching and following non-violence and achieving major victories without armed struggle met violent deaths. It makes me feel when death is cruel to such great souls, how can a man like me, do much about it. Then again, like I said, even though I might not control the events that lead to my death, I might certainly hope that I get a death of my choice. Given a choice, I must always have an honorable way to exit rather than being forced out due to unforeseen circumstances, much like a player who chooses to retire, when on a high.



Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev Thapar and Hari Shivram Rajguru made such a choice 79 years ago. They are remembered even to this day for the choice they made and their death is celebrated as "Shaheed Divas" (Martyers Day) in India. They had a goal in life; they had planned to liberate India from the British Empire. Much like all of us, they had planned their life nicely, only difference being, they even planned their death and used it as an instrument to further the goal of their life. They chose to plan their death in such a way that it stirs passion of nationalism in the minds of youth and goal of Independence becomes a national rage. They died well before their time (age wise) but they chose an honorable and grand exit that made the life they lived seem more grand. Durga bhabi (wife of Bhagwati Charan Vohra) had such an option which she was not allowed to take. She was supposed to join Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev and Rajguru when they were planning the murder of Scott. Her pleas were killed by her husband stating she had family responsibilities and should not take up the risk of such an act even though she was active member of Hindustan Republican Association (HRA). She gave in and the rest is history. A few years later, she contracted a life threatening flu and was bed ridden. During the last few days of her life, she called her husband to her side and told him that she would never forgive him for not allowing her an honorable death. She told him that very few people are given a choice of planning their death and she could have had a honorable way of dying for her country's independence, instead of the suffering the flue and meet a tame end. That anguish was genuine and makes you think, why do we always hold on to life so dearly that we end up having a doctor and a hospital bed for company when death arrives, when we could have chosen to die in a more honorable fashion for a cause we believed in truly. May be, as I said earlier, we don’t plan about death seriously.



I, for one, have a goal. I meet many people and with every person who comes into my life, I ask myself, "If I die tomorrow, how will I be remembered by this person?" and I sure hope that the day I am no longer around and they think back about me, there must be a smile on their lips and a tear in their eye. Does this mean, I am ready to die... maybe; or maybe, I don’t see death as an end to the life I am living. The "one goal" however, keeps me, from hurting people I come across and that sure are a good thing to do. Does it work? Well..... Not always, I am human and cannot have a perfect record. I will try using this post to issue a heartfelt apology to those whom I have advertently or inadvertently hurt in my life, and tell them that I didn’t mean to hurt them. Maybe this will take me closer to my goal and when my day comes, I will be proud of having a near perfect life.


PS: Some excerpts taken from a hindi story I read, "Marna: Ek kala, ek chance" meaning, "Death: An art, a matter of chance"

Chavunism of the worst kind

We keep harping on the fact that we are ushering in new thoughts in this new century and India is planning on being a global power by 2020. We keep making politically correct statements on empowerment of the weak and down trodden and empowerment of the neglected sections of society. Den outta nowhere we begin harping about women's reservation bill in our legislatures and how we need to make women equal to men and give them equal opportunities; give them the right to fight for their country and die for it.. etc etc.. the list is a long one. It almost seems that women have become a underprivileged section of society and this assumption does not sit right with me.

I do not understand why does logic not prevail and why do we need legislation to stamp the rights of women on resources that comes naturally to men. Its like even the fundamental rights like right to live, right to freedom of speech and most recently right to education comes naturally to men and in case of women it needs a man to ratify whether they get these rights or not. Why do more than 70% of women population not look "free" in an otherwise "free India". Why do people keep writing about these issues and no one wants to solve them. Well the answer is simple, WE ARE CHAUVINISTIC. Its not like you guys are and I am not.. its like we all are.. but the intensity is different. We grudge the rights of half of the worlds population.

Most of us are unknowingly doing this, some of us are using culture as a basis and rest of us are doing it because they just don't want women on equal footing as them. Women themselves have accepted this and have moulded themselves to fit into these pigeon holes. In our society where arranged marriage is a common practice, we see this quite evidently when we look up on matrimonial sites. Men with questionable backgrounds, unimpressive jobs and sloppy personalities are looking for "fair", "homely" and "cultured" women for marriage. The sad part is, the women are made to feel obligated that they are chosen by a man for marriage even though he does not match her on any level. This systematic brain washing continues even after and at some point every woman starts believing that she needs a man to support her all through her life.

Women who are independent and have a view on life are seen as a threat to man's world and when faced with this threat all men resort to one weapon i .e. questioning her morality and integrity. Most women care about their reputation and it works favourably for people to edge her out or kill her spirit. At some stage all of us have used this method to belittle a woman's achievement not stopping to think why is a woman's achievement linked to her morality and why are men not expected to have any morals in life. To add insult to injury, we supposedly worship women in India in various forms and treat her as a holy cow. How about giving her due respect and not raising her to a pedestal where you keep highlighting each and every human flaw she has.

Women rights activists must stop taking up cudgels with western media for corrupting the minds of our women and showing them in bad light, but in turn try and fight chauvinism in all its kinds and not selectively ignore some things as part of our culture because no culture teaches us to bulldoze half the population with gender specific rules. Its made for one and only one purpose... superiority of man over woman.


So long..