Turning 30

Hey guys.. am back. Wishing you all a very happy and prosperous 2011.

Women are fascinating and this isn't just me.. it seems to be the conventional wisdom. I have observed the women in my life very closely and when I read this post I could help but wonder..... what more apt way to salute the women in my life. This one is for you girls......

(Author is Alankrita Shrivastava is the director of Turning 30) .

At heart I'm still the same Alankrita I was in college. And 30 seems to be a strange age to put to my name. But one has to grow up. The real graduation ceremony for turning 30 is experiencing a broken heart. You aren't qualified to be 30 if you haven't felt your life falling apart because of a shattered relationship and cried empty tears into the night. And then woken up and wiped your tears with the "tomorrow is another day, " feeling, aptly described by Scarlett o' Hara in Gone with the Wind. Did I ever think my life would be like this after 30?


No. I've crossed the 30 mark and I don't feel at all like I've arrived. I don't own a house. My bank account struggles with its meager tenants. I don't have children yet. Far from married, I'm still looking for love. Life is definitely not going as per the plan. The plan that was made over a decade ago. Yet, I love my life. I would not trade it for anything in the world. I live alone in Mumbai, and it's so liberating. Every young independent girl/ woman who has ever lived in Mumbai will vouch for that. It is in Mumbai that I discovered that life is not always black and white but that it exists in the crevices and corners of a million shades of grey. That was my first personal life lesson. And I think I'm still learning it. When I was 16, I was convinced I'd be happily married with a child by the time I was 30. Nothing could have convinced me otherwise. I guess it was the "every girl fantasy" that we're socialised into nurturing. I think by the time I was about 26, I knew things were not going according to plan. It didn't look like I would have babies by 30. Forget babies, I realised I may not even be married!


I wrote my film a couple of years before I turned 30. I think with the writing, I pre-empted my turning 30 crisis. And with the making of the film, I sort of resolved it. It was my catharsis through my art. I've crossed the 30 mark, and am relatively unfazed. Age really is only a number. This is not to say that I don't have my dark moments. Some mornings I really do wake up to the alarm of my biological clock. Yes, I want to have children, and sometimes it feels like time's running out. In a lot of ways, I may not be the typical girlie girl. Believe it or not, I've never worn stilettos. I don't use make up. And I detest shopping! And in other ways, I am a typical girl. I'm an emotional creature. I love gossip, and apple martinis (extra points for both together); and I absolutely love pedicures. I've recently discovered the joys of painting my toe-nails. A post-30 acquisition. I like my toes painted bright red or a deep pink. I love pink! A lot of my wardrobe is pink. I even have a pink couch. I'm a sucker for conversations and cocktails. Wine and art... beer and books. I love reading. I worry about my weight, try to do yoga, but do not compromise on my blueberry cheesecake. After all this time, I still cannot cook to save my life. And, I still haven't been able to paint like I'd like to, or travel like I'd like to. I've missed out on that entire wildly backpacking across Europe phase that many people go through in their twenties. I was too busy working. Anyway, the terrible 20s is a decade that's over. And there's a certain magic to being 30.


I'm more me now, than I was ever before. I love who I am now, in a way that I never did earlier. And it's a nice feeling. Really. I so love my space, my freedom. Sometimes even though I'm free on the outside, I feel like I'm in chains from within. And sometimes even though life seems to be so constrained on the outside, I feel so free inside. The Victorian in me versus the bohemian in me, that's an eternal battle. I'm girl and woman at the same time. Mostly more girl, less woman. Sometimes, more woman, less girl. Having gone to a girls boarding school, and then a girls college, I have grown up on a steady diet of fairytales and happily ever afters. And I love happy endings. And even though life is complicated, I believe in miracles.