"May the insanity and the romance never die"

Relationships come with its fair share of advantages and problems. For one, they teach you to accommodate another person in your life and think beyond your needs. Even though, each person gets into a relationship out of one's basic need to have a mate, once in a relationship, more often than not, they tend to put the other's need before their own. This is how its always been. Even the most self centered people are known to have been accommodative in a relationship. Maybe its nature's way of teaching us to put other's needs before your own. There are many more benefits of a relationship and the stronger the relationship gets, the more you tend to see them. Having someone cover your back; having someone to collect the slack; having a shoulder to cry on or say having a friend, philosopher and guide are a few benefits to mention. Study suggests that people in a relationship are most truthful about themselves to their partners than anyone else in their life. So, its more or less a well established fact that relationships come with many a benefits.




Its not all a rosy picture as it seems and there are many a dynamics that play a part in a relationship. There are pulls and strains and the trick lies in overcoming these for the larger cause. I do not wish to sound as an expert in this field and there are loads of things about relationships that I am yet to learn, but I have seen some blatant mistakes made by people all around me and it makes me wonder why people do not value what they have and its only evident to a person who does not have it. I would list a few obvious mistakes that people commit in a relationship and leave it up to the audience to judge the facts.

1. Bare it all: Women make this mistake a lot more than men. Being honest about your past (if asked about ) is one thing. Women go the extra mile in trying to be honest. They tend to give out too many details of their past life and men often wonder, is she trying to tell me I am not as good as her ex or that she is not over her ex or I am just a replacement of her ex. So ladies, spare the trouble and keep the discussion about your past life to the bare minimum. The guys are not interested what you did in your past and with whom you did it. So its in the best interest of everyone involved that the bygones be bygones and let it not harm your new relationship. If you still feel the need to discuss your past life, use your gal pals.

2. Rush: Rushing too quickly into a physical relationship is yet another major mistake that people commit in a relationship. Physical urge is understandable and well appreciated but rushing into it too quickly kills the full potential of a relationship. Relationship is built on a fact of mutual admiration and respect and if the physical gratification takes a centre stage (as it usually does) the other aspects are left behind and once the lust dies down, there is nothing left for a relationship to stand on. This happens in many arranged marriages as well as in relationships built on pure lust. Take the effort to build a strong base for the relationship to stand on. You have an entire life to show your physical love for each other.

3. Respect women: I do not know how serious this damage is but its pretty evident that around 60% of men do not respect women at all. To them, she is nothing more than a vending machine that fulfils their needs of food, laundry and sex. This attitude is not appreciated and causes a major problem in a relationship. 90% of women indulging in extra-marital affairs are into it because of lack of respect in their relationship. During courtship, men tend to love all aspects of a woman and are desperately trying to gain her approval. Once they "get her", she becomes more of a hindrance to them. This attitude smothers the relationship and kills the spirit of the women and is quite unhealthy for the men as well.

4. Give space: Your partner had a life before they met you and in most cases would like to live as they always lived. Every relationship must have a breathing space. Getting this one right is tricky as there is no fixed rule. Some couples need huge breathing space and some don't need it at all, but, all couples need their significant other to respect the fact that there exists a world outside their relationship and that their partners have a right to social life. Getting too clingy will make you unwanted and giving too much space will make you uncaring. So find what is the right amount for your relationship and give each other that required space.

5. Taken for granted: This is the most common mistake and every one does this at one point of time in their relationship, however, no one accepts that its crept in their relationship. Everyone sees this as part of others' relationship but does not see it slowly attacking their own. Its natural for anyone to get lost into the comforts of a relationship and accept it subconsciously that it is going to last indefinitely. Much like the people in your life, relationships are often valued once they are lost. Take time every week to make your partner / loved one feel special. Make them realise that they have had a positive impact on your life and how much you value their presence and most importantly, tell them you love them. "I love you" should not be words used to get someone into bed, but should be words used to appreciate the presence of that person in your life. Guys, its not fruity to be a little romantic once in a while and you will not lose your machismo, in fact you will win her undying love. Girls, if your man finds it difficult to express in words, cut him some slack and understand the message in his actions.



Lastly, relationships are not constant, they ebb and tide much like the sea. We need to be constantly working on our relationships so that we are always as happy as we were the first day we found each other. Add the element of insanity into romance and never let the romance die. All the best.



So long....