A couple of days ago my room mate walks up to me and says " they are all crazy.. each and every one of em" and went on huffing and puffing about it something. After a long time I dared to ask him the obvious question and he goes "I will never know women.. its impossible to know what they think and how they operate". All I could do was smile in a frail manner. I knew where this discussion would take us and I was simply no in the mood to discuss women. I hated the subject. I don't feel it is possible to have any two men sit and discuss on how women operate and come at any conclusion in the end. It turns out, the whole thing ends up as a futile exercise and we are more confused in the end than we were at the beginning of the discussion. So its better to just smile n move on.
Turns out, my room mate was not in the mood to do me any favours. He was simply determined to get an answer out of me and to him, I appeared to be some sort of an expert on the subject matter. I asked him, all the while dreading the response "What seems to be the matter? Anything wrong". I did not know I was playing with match near a truckload of fuel. It simply ignited and he went on and on about how difficult it is to understand women and how various women in his life had driven him crazy and insane to a point that he had generalised an opinion of "All women are crazy". Though I empathised with him, I did not have an answer to his question. I simply could not find a logical conclusion as to why those women behaved the way they did. Were they possessed, were they under influence or were they simply acting crazy, hard to say. Judging by logic purely, they should have behaved in the exact opposite way to what they did and yet, somehow, in state of full awareness they did not. It reminded me of a article I read a couple of days ago about "smart women and not so smart choices". The author goes on and on about various women, who, according to him, were very smart but made very poor personal choices. I would have liked to produce the list here, but that would be simply redundant. I tried talking to my room mate about this article and how the author shared same views as him about women.
In the end, we reached a conclusion (after deliberating for few hours :'( on a topic that was fast losing interest ) that its impossible for a man to get a woman's wavelength. I would go further and say, don't try and read a woman's lips. Try getting to the emotions behind the words. Try and understand what she might be going through mentally and physically. That would solve your puzzle and if all of this is gibberish to you, simply don't try to understand women. There are 90% of men who do not understand women, even a bit, and are doing perfectly fine. Do not take up this unnecessary expedition of trying to understanding a woman and lose your mind. Frankly (no disrespect meant) women think with their heart and it knows no logic. That's the natural order of things and its in best interest of everyone involved to not try and decipher the process. Accept it as a fact, like you accept that sun rises in the east and move on. There are more real problems to fathom and solve than to try and understand the thought process of a woman.
So long....
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
It happens only in India
I am mightily pissed off; hypocrisy to no ends. When it comes to politics, we Indians are so naive that sometimes that I want to shake every passer-by so that he wakes up to a real world. The days of Mahatma Gandhi are long gone and the days of Dr. Manmohan Singh are here to stay. Some of us are caught in between and do not know whether to be idealistic or practical. It’s high time we know how our country functions and don’t expect too much or too little out of our system. In the recent past some real and some no so real scams were unearthed and I observed with great amazement how easy it was to form public opinions in India. All you need is to pick a story and splash in across few news channels and we just lap it up without thinking about the merits of the case, the people involved and the reputations that they carry. We have been more gullible than sheep that are herded as a lot. I have one thing to say, if we are gullible as a lot, don’t blame the politicians who pigeon hole us into vote banks. Also, don’t embarrass yourselves by speaking ignorantly and keep your opinions to yourself. I have read few responses (by educated professionals) on recent political events and I was disgusted by them. I have known one thing, when it comes to placing a point of view, we simply don’t have enough knowledge and use what ever limited knowledge we have to argue all cases.
Here are some responses and you take a call on how does it even remotely link to the subject under discussion.
Case 1:
2G scam : Raja digs in his heels; says wont resign
Comments:
1. Sonia Gandhi is keeping Raja on as telecom minister so that she keeps making money on spectrum allocation
2. Raja is minister because the real Rani (Sonia) is firmly behind him.
3. Gandhi’s have looted India for decades. This is one other instance of Sonia staking PMs reputation to loot the country.
Case 2:
Adarsh housing: Jairam Ramesh orders demolition
Comments:
1. Jairam is Sonia’s dog. He is faithfully listening to his master
2. Sonia made all the money out of Adarsh. Now she is okay with it being demolished
3. Maybe Sonia owns many flats in Adarsh.
Case 3:
SC: What has the Government done on ‘black money’ case.
Comments:
1. PM is protecting the Gandhi family because they have many Swiss accounts.
2. All the money collected from Bofors is put in Swiss accounts. Congress is shielding Sonia Gandhi.
3. Gandhi parivaar has looted India for decades and now they have to pay for it. Let her accounts be revealed.
Case 4:
Governor sanctions Yeddyyurappa’s prosecution.
Comments:
1. Governor is acting on the behest of the congress president
2. Governor is Sonia’s dog. We know where his loyalties lie.
3. Governor has turned Raj Bhavan into anti – government centre. Shame on Sonia.
Case 5:
SC: Did the government have knowledge about pending case on the CVC?
Comments:
1. Thomas is CVC to protect Sonia in telecom scam
2. Thomas has Sonia Gandhi’s backing so the Government can’t sack him.
3. Sonia-Thomas duo shames India. Gandhi family has never done anything good for India.
Case 6:
BJP: Our fundamental right to unfurl the national flag was blocked by J&K government.
Comments:
1. Let Sonia unfurl Pakistani flag in Kashmir.
2. Nothing good can come when Sonia is ruling us. She knows only Italian flag not Indian flag.
3. Let the Gandhi’s be faithful to Italy and Pakistan. Indians will be faithful to our tri-colour.
I rest my case. The list is long but I am already laughing my guts out.
If we analyse most of the comments are not even logical. It is simply not possible that any single person is capable of so much impact on the country. It seems to some, that the Sun rises and sets at the behest of the Congress president, Sonia Gandhi. It shows that most of us are not aware of things around us, how the Government functions or even who are the conspirators and actors in any given “scam”. We are simply using personal anger against an entity and shooting our mouths off, in most cases on unrelated issues. If this is the awareness levels of the most vibrant democracy in the world, God help us when we elect our representatives. Also I have a personal message to all the people who vote. If you repeat the same mistakes and somehow expect the end result to be different then its called "living in a fools paradise". So stop electing unfit candidates to our legislatures and Parliament and then expect them to stand for your cause. Else, all you are saying is "I will elect corrupt and inefficient people but somehow he/she must act honestly once elected and work for my cause with single minded devotion". Sadly, things dont work that way. First change your apathy towards your duty to elect an good representative and then things will automatically fall in place.
So long……
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"May the insanity and the romance never die"
Relationships come with its fair share of advantages and problems. For one, they teach you to accommodate another person in your life and think beyond your needs. Even though, each person gets into a relationship out of one's basic need to have a mate, once in a relationship, more often than not, they tend to put the other's need before their own. This is how its always been. Even the most self centered people are known to have been accommodative in a relationship. Maybe its nature's way of teaching us to put other's needs before your own. There are many more benefits of a relationship and the stronger the relationship gets, the more you tend to see them. Having someone cover your back; having someone to collect the slack; having a shoulder to cry on or say having a friend, philosopher and guide are a few benefits to mention. Study suggests that people in a relationship are most truthful about themselves to their partners than anyone else in their life. So, its more or less a well established fact that relationships come with many a benefits.
Its not all a rosy picture as it seems and there are many a dynamics that play a part in a relationship. There are pulls and strains and the trick lies in overcoming these for the larger cause. I do not wish to sound as an expert in this field and there are loads of things about relationships that I am yet to learn, but I have seen some blatant mistakes made by people all around me and it makes me wonder why people do not value what they have and its only evident to a person who does not have it. I would list a few obvious mistakes that people commit in a relationship and leave it up to the audience to judge the facts.
1. Bare it all: Women make this mistake a lot more than men. Being honest about your past (if asked about ) is one thing. Women go the extra mile in trying to be honest. They tend to give out too many details of their past life and men often wonder, is she trying to tell me I am not as good as her ex or that she is not over her ex or I am just a replacement of her ex. So ladies, spare the trouble and keep the discussion about your past life to the bare minimum. The guys are not interested what you did in your past and with whom you did it. So its in the best interest of everyone involved that the bygones be bygones and let it not harm your new relationship. If you still feel the need to discuss your past life, use your gal pals.
2. Rush: Rushing too quickly into a physical relationship is yet another major mistake that people commit in a relationship. Physical urge is understandable and well appreciated but rushing into it too quickly kills the full potential of a relationship. Relationship is built on a fact of mutual admiration and respect and if the physical gratification takes a centre stage (as it usually does) the other aspects are left behind and once the lust dies down, there is nothing left for a relationship to stand on. This happens in many arranged marriages as well as in relationships built on pure lust. Take the effort to build a strong base for the relationship to stand on. You have an entire life to show your physical love for each other.
3. Respect women: I do not know how serious this damage is but its pretty evident that around 60% of men do not respect women at all. To them, she is nothing more than a vending machine that fulfils their needs of food, laundry and sex. This attitude is not appreciated and causes a major problem in a relationship. 90% of women indulging in extra-marital affairs are into it because of lack of respect in their relationship. During courtship, men tend to love all aspects of a woman and are desperately trying to gain her approval. Once they "get her", she becomes more of a hindrance to them. This attitude smothers the relationship and kills the spirit of the women and is quite unhealthy for the men as well.
4. Give space: Your partner had a life before they met you and in most cases would like to live as they always lived. Every relationship must have a breathing space. Getting this one right is tricky as there is no fixed rule. Some couples need huge breathing space and some don't need it at all, but, all couples need their significant other to respect the fact that there exists a world outside their relationship and that their partners have a right to social life. Getting too clingy will make you unwanted and giving too much space will make you uncaring. So find what is the right amount for your relationship and give each other that required space.
5. Taken for granted: This is the most common mistake and every one does this at one point of time in their relationship, however, no one accepts that its crept in their relationship. Everyone sees this as part of others' relationship but does not see it slowly attacking their own. Its natural for anyone to get lost into the comforts of a relationship and accept it subconsciously that it is going to last indefinitely. Much like the people in your life, relationships are often valued once they are lost. Take time every week to make your partner / loved one feel special. Make them realise that they have had a positive impact on your life and how much you value their presence and most importantly, tell them you love them. "I love you" should not be words used to get someone into bed, but should be words used to appreciate the presence of that person in your life. Guys, its not fruity to be a little romantic once in a while and you will not lose your machismo, in fact you will win her undying love. Girls, if your man finds it difficult to express in words, cut him some slack and understand the message in his actions.
Lastly, relationships are not constant, they ebb and tide much like the sea. We need to be constantly working on our relationships so that we are always as happy as we were the first day we found each other. Add the element of insanity into romance and never let the romance die. All the best.
So long....
Its not all a rosy picture as it seems and there are many a dynamics that play a part in a relationship. There are pulls and strains and the trick lies in overcoming these for the larger cause. I do not wish to sound as an expert in this field and there are loads of things about relationships that I am yet to learn, but I have seen some blatant mistakes made by people all around me and it makes me wonder why people do not value what they have and its only evident to a person who does not have it. I would list a few obvious mistakes that people commit in a relationship and leave it up to the audience to judge the facts.
1. Bare it all: Women make this mistake a lot more than men. Being honest about your past (if asked about ) is one thing. Women go the extra mile in trying to be honest. They tend to give out too many details of their past life and men often wonder, is she trying to tell me I am not as good as her ex or that she is not over her ex or I am just a replacement of her ex. So ladies, spare the trouble and keep the discussion about your past life to the bare minimum. The guys are not interested what you did in your past and with whom you did it. So its in the best interest of everyone involved that the bygones be bygones and let it not harm your new relationship. If you still feel the need to discuss your past life, use your gal pals.
2. Rush: Rushing too quickly into a physical relationship is yet another major mistake that people commit in a relationship. Physical urge is understandable and well appreciated but rushing into it too quickly kills the full potential of a relationship. Relationship is built on a fact of mutual admiration and respect and if the physical gratification takes a centre stage (as it usually does) the other aspects are left behind and once the lust dies down, there is nothing left for a relationship to stand on. This happens in many arranged marriages as well as in relationships built on pure lust. Take the effort to build a strong base for the relationship to stand on. You have an entire life to show your physical love for each other.
3. Respect women: I do not know how serious this damage is but its pretty evident that around 60% of men do not respect women at all. To them, she is nothing more than a vending machine that fulfils their needs of food, laundry and sex. This attitude is not appreciated and causes a major problem in a relationship. 90% of women indulging in extra-marital affairs are into it because of lack of respect in their relationship. During courtship, men tend to love all aspects of a woman and are desperately trying to gain her approval. Once they "get her", she becomes more of a hindrance to them. This attitude smothers the relationship and kills the spirit of the women and is quite unhealthy for the men as well.
4. Give space: Your partner had a life before they met you and in most cases would like to live as they always lived. Every relationship must have a breathing space. Getting this one right is tricky as there is no fixed rule. Some couples need huge breathing space and some don't need it at all, but, all couples need their significant other to respect the fact that there exists a world outside their relationship and that their partners have a right to social life. Getting too clingy will make you unwanted and giving too much space will make you uncaring. So find what is the right amount for your relationship and give each other that required space.
5. Taken for granted: This is the most common mistake and every one does this at one point of time in their relationship, however, no one accepts that its crept in their relationship. Everyone sees this as part of others' relationship but does not see it slowly attacking their own. Its natural for anyone to get lost into the comforts of a relationship and accept it subconsciously that it is going to last indefinitely. Much like the people in your life, relationships are often valued once they are lost. Take time every week to make your partner / loved one feel special. Make them realise that they have had a positive impact on your life and how much you value their presence and most importantly, tell them you love them. "I love you" should not be words used to get someone into bed, but should be words used to appreciate the presence of that person in your life. Guys, its not fruity to be a little romantic once in a while and you will not lose your machismo, in fact you will win her undying love. Girls, if your man finds it difficult to express in words, cut him some slack and understand the message in his actions.
Lastly, relationships are not constant, they ebb and tide much like the sea. We need to be constantly working on our relationships so that we are always as happy as we were the first day we found each other. Add the element of insanity into romance and never let the romance die. All the best.
So long....
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tailspin
Financial impropriety seems to be the flavour of the season and the incumbent are suddenly finding themselves in all kinds of mess.. avoidable mess if you ask me. Media are breathing down the neck of the Government and the opposition is watching with glee, the Government fire-fight with various institutions and give lengthy explanations as to how and when the system failed, which led to individual(s) make unseemly large profit at the cost of the public exchequer. The Government, has partly (in some cases wholly) shouldered the blame and is willing to take corrective measures. The most recent Group Of Ministers (GOM) meeting was on the burning subject of corruption and if we do have a normal Parliament Budget session, maybe most of the bills passed will be regarding how to fight corruption more effectively. I humbly submit that the Government has understood the law of diminishing returns if a cover up is attempted on the issue of corruption. My sympathies are with the Dr. Manmohan Singh Government, not because I admire him as a person and an able PM, but because I believe everyone must be given a chance to come clean. So respected PM, I as an individual, I give you one chance to redeem the faith in your Government. Please do not fail me.
It has become a norm that anyone who talks on behalf of the present Government to be a Congress supporter and the one who opposes is a BJP (right wing) supporter. I am an exception. I do not support BJP ideology but I loved Mr. A.B. Vajpayee as the PM. Basically, I love good administrators and I believe they should be given necessary benefit of doubt, as governance is a tricky subject and politics a murky game. So my love and devotion for Dr. Manmohan Singh is more out of his ability to govern the country effectively rather than him being a Rajya Sabha MP for Indian National Congress. I do not agree that Dr. Singh is a weak PM. Neither did I agree that Vajpayee was a weak PM. Both are comparable in their in their zest to do good for the country and both the PMs were hamstrung by the opposition to their plans by the BJP. Yes sir, the biggest opposition to Vajpayee was the BJP rather than the then principal opposition. This brings me to my point of the day.. "Why is the BJP sabotaging its own credibility as a viable alternative".
I am not going to point at the BJP's divisive agenda on cast politics because they have a constituency for such thoughts and I have no value judgement to make of how they work on their ideology. Its the politics played by them in recent years that irk me. I sometimes feel the BJP should wake up and smell the coffee, take up the responsibility of being the principal opposition and not act in the sheer irresponsible way that would dent their credibility forever. No one has forgotten the U-turn the BJP did on the Indo-US nuclear agreement that was initiated by Mr. A. B. Vajpayee during his tenure. They went hammer and tongs to oppose the same deal that they chalked out during their tenure just to bring down the Dr. Manmohan Singh's government. Taking this stance on an issue of major importance for India's infrastructure development speaks lowly about where their loyalties lie. Opposing for the sake of opposition seemed the "mantra" when Mr. L. K. Advani was the leader of opposition. Later, during the 2009 General elections, Advani seemed to "forget" what entire India remembered, as he squarely refused to accept accountability of the decisions Mr. A.B. Vajpayee's goverment took, in which, he was the Deputy Prime Minister. Still the worst mistake of the BJP is the stance they have taken in the present seasons of scams. The opposition is the watch dog on the democracy and is there to make the government answerable to the people of India. We saw, during the past few months, that the Government was getting away scot free. No discussions happened, in fact the Parliament was not even allowed to function.
People wrote articles as to why is the PM silent on the scams. I have a better question, why was the PM not made to answer. Isn't the opposition responsible for not allowing the Government to answer, so far. The Ministers of the Union cabinet are currently going around providing rejoinders to the opposition theories on media platforms. The entire scene has become so murky that the whole crux of the matter seemed to have been forgotten, i.e. "holding the Government accountable for financial irregularities". The privilege of the Parliament to be the only forum to which a Government is answerable was breached. Who is responsible for this mess? The opposition, instead of making the Government answer uncomfortable questions upfront, did not allow Parliament to function. In the meanwhile the Government got its act together and are on course correction. Now during the upcoming budget session, the Government has had time to prepare the answers, thanks to the reprieve given by the opposition and take the battle to the opposition benches. Was this smart politics?? The BJP is losing it. They do this time and again. The Government, in its infinite stupidity, provide the BJP with various opportunities to nail it. Every single time, the BJP, instead of pinning down the Government to its mistakes, takes it as an opportunity to come back to power and end up squandering the chance. Mr. L.K. Advani's statement "There could be a general election before 2014" sums it up. Its time the politically senile generation of BJP, namely Advani, Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley, MM Joshi make way for the likes of Rajiv Pratap Rudy, Narendra Modi, Shivraj Patil etc. so that the BJP stand a genuine chance at least in 2014. I do not know if I am angry or happy for the demise of the BJP as a viable alternative for the present dispensation, but I blame the party senior leaders for sending a formidable party into tailspin. The people of India will not forgive Advani and his likes for taking away the choice of alternative from them.
So long....
It has become a norm that anyone who talks on behalf of the present Government to be a Congress supporter and the one who opposes is a BJP (right wing) supporter. I am an exception. I do not support BJP ideology but I loved Mr. A.B. Vajpayee as the PM. Basically, I love good administrators and I believe they should be given necessary benefit of doubt, as governance is a tricky subject and politics a murky game. So my love and devotion for Dr. Manmohan Singh is more out of his ability to govern the country effectively rather than him being a Rajya Sabha MP for Indian National Congress. I do not agree that Dr. Singh is a weak PM. Neither did I agree that Vajpayee was a weak PM. Both are comparable in their in their zest to do good for the country and both the PMs were hamstrung by the opposition to their plans by the BJP. Yes sir, the biggest opposition to Vajpayee was the BJP rather than the then principal opposition. This brings me to my point of the day.. "Why is the BJP sabotaging its own credibility as a viable alternative".
I am not going to point at the BJP's divisive agenda on cast politics because they have a constituency for such thoughts and I have no value judgement to make of how they work on their ideology. Its the politics played by them in recent years that irk me. I sometimes feel the BJP should wake up and smell the coffee, take up the responsibility of being the principal opposition and not act in the sheer irresponsible way that would dent their credibility forever. No one has forgotten the U-turn the BJP did on the Indo-US nuclear agreement that was initiated by Mr. A. B. Vajpayee during his tenure. They went hammer and tongs to oppose the same deal that they chalked out during their tenure just to bring down the Dr. Manmohan Singh's government. Taking this stance on an issue of major importance for India's infrastructure development speaks lowly about where their loyalties lie. Opposing for the sake of opposition seemed the "mantra" when Mr. L. K. Advani was the leader of opposition. Later, during the 2009 General elections, Advani seemed to "forget" what entire India remembered, as he squarely refused to accept accountability of the decisions Mr. A.B. Vajpayee's goverment took, in which, he was the Deputy Prime Minister. Still the worst mistake of the BJP is the stance they have taken in the present seasons of scams. The opposition is the watch dog on the democracy and is there to make the government answerable to the people of India. We saw, during the past few months, that the Government was getting away scot free. No discussions happened, in fact the Parliament was not even allowed to function.
People wrote articles as to why is the PM silent on the scams. I have a better question, why was the PM not made to answer. Isn't the opposition responsible for not allowing the Government to answer, so far. The Ministers of the Union cabinet are currently going around providing rejoinders to the opposition theories on media platforms. The entire scene has become so murky that the whole crux of the matter seemed to have been forgotten, i.e. "holding the Government accountable for financial irregularities". The privilege of the Parliament to be the only forum to which a Government is answerable was breached. Who is responsible for this mess? The opposition, instead of making the Government answer uncomfortable questions upfront, did not allow Parliament to function. In the meanwhile the Government got its act together and are on course correction. Now during the upcoming budget session, the Government has had time to prepare the answers, thanks to the reprieve given by the opposition and take the battle to the opposition benches. Was this smart politics?? The BJP is losing it. They do this time and again. The Government, in its infinite stupidity, provide the BJP with various opportunities to nail it. Every single time, the BJP, instead of pinning down the Government to its mistakes, takes it as an opportunity to come back to power and end up squandering the chance. Mr. L.K. Advani's statement "There could be a general election before 2014" sums it up. Its time the politically senile generation of BJP, namely Advani, Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley, MM Joshi make way for the likes of Rajiv Pratap Rudy, Narendra Modi, Shivraj Patil etc. so that the BJP stand a genuine chance at least in 2014. I do not know if I am angry or happy for the demise of the BJP as a viable alternative for the present dispensation, but I blame the party senior leaders for sending a formidable party into tailspin. The people of India will not forgive Advani and his likes for taking away the choice of alternative from them.
So long....
Friday, January 21, 2011
Kill the messenger, if he is biased
"Ratan Tata in the 2G mess"; "A. Raja brazenly continues in office"; "CBI asked to move slow on Suresh Kalmadi"; "CBI, too little; too late : 2G scam"; "Niira Radia lobbied for A. Raja"; "PM: Auction is the right way for spectrum distribution"; " Sibal turns the phrase, says no loss in 2G". These have been the headlines in print and electronic media over the past few months. These headlines have caused Parliament being disrupted for whole of winter session. People around the world have believed that India is an easily corruptible society but to actually see honest figures like Dr. Manmohan Singh (Hon'ble Prime Minister) and Mr. Ratan Tata are not as clean as they are believed to be, is a lot to take. Peoples' reputations built over a life time were being besmirched for making tasty headlines and the who's who of political spectrum was believed to be involved in scams. End result: Total loss of face to INDIA at the world stage; Brand India taking a beating; Public cynicism, to name a few. Now, as days pass by, its more and more clear that some stories were deliberately planted in the media to meet some ulterior motives, or in some cases just to grab the headlines and eyeballs.
Who takes the responsibility for sullying the reputation of an economist Prime Minister who is respected world wide for his statesmanship and economic acumen; for hinting that Ratan Tata might have resorted to corrupt means to get a few telecom licenses. I say, the media must compensate these individuals for the defamation and public embarrassment that they have caused, especially as the two people mentioned have always been above suspicion in their words and in deeds. What it in turn did, was making people believe that nothing good can happen in this country and even the most honest people are corrupted by money and power. The official sponsor of this public cynicism was the print and electronic media. Times Now, CNN-IBN, Outlook and Open have been the most irresponsible of the lot. In the name of social activism, they have raised themselves to a pedestal where they are above the judiciary and executive of this country. I have special hatred towards Arnab Goswami (Times Now) and Rajdeep Sardesai (CNN-IBN) who think they are conducting "janata adalat" or people's forum on their respective 9' o clock shows. These two are responsible for majority of Indians having no trust in any of the pillars of democracy. So much of "facts" and "truths" are planted in these shows that people have began to believe that a TV studio is the official platform for the Government of India to face the country and answer them. It is also the platform to dispense justice to the "wronged" citizens of India and a place to decide which policies are good for India. So in short, a TV anchor is legislature, the executive and judiciary at the same time. Add to this, their "investigative powers", which they claimed was better than the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) and being a better watchdog than the "tainted" Chief Vigilance Commissioner (CVC); we have a be all and end all powerhouse called media. Now, my question is, is this good for India. The answer is, unequivocal NO. We cannot have media dictate the speed of governance, mobilising public opinion for or against a particular elected Government or making policy decisions. Media is supposed to be a messenger and that's what it should be doing, namely, presenting an item as it is without fear, favour or ill-will. If the messenger goes rogue and begins to use the medium to run its own agendas, create news where there isn't any and become a platform for creating stories rather than reporting them,then just "shoot the messenger"(as in the adage), for he causes more harm than good to the society.
Today, a Kapil Sibal (Minister of the Union Cabinet for Telecommunication and IT, eminent lawyer) is not allowed to place his side of the story as media has pronounced the Government of India guilty of embezzling the nation of Rs. 1.76 lakh ($40 billion) . A Raja (Ex. Minister of the Union Cabinet for Telecommunication and IT, accused in the 2G scam) is not allowed to tell his side of the story of what the devil went in his mind when he took "stupid" and mostly illegal decisions. A CBI is looking more and more stupid because of the many, many leaks in its cadre that media laps up and splashes it all around as "Breaking news". Comments are attributed to a particular person (here say or anonymous source) and huge embarrassment is caused to individuals every single day. I thought the Constitution gave each and everyone of us a right to "remain innocent until proven guilty" then why are verdicts being passed everyday in TV studios where cases are being taken up sou-motu and the "judge" has prejudged the matter before the first hearing. In the name of giving sensational breaking -news items, no holds barred contest are taking place in the media. God forbid, if anyone questions the media, they all cry hoarse "Don't shoot the messenger". I say, keep shooting the messenger until he learns his responsibility. Ban the channels until the electronic media stops fake investigative stories and leaks and concentrates more on the basic work of reporting as it happened. My message to the messengers, get your basic acts together guys, your stories are falling flat every single day and should a day come and people realise that you fed them stories for an ulterior motive, the little credibility that the media has as the conscience keeper of the society, will be lost for ever.
I, like all Indians, would like to know the entire truth about how the Government is functioning. I would like to know if the promises the Government made to me when I elected them to power are being carried out. I would want to know what are the eminent minds of India thinking about the performance of the Government and the shortcomings if any. If the Government is shortchanging me, I would not want to re-elect them to power for another term. Democracy in India, provides a unique platform for each of these things. It gives me the power to elect a Government during the elections. Parliament allows me to know how my chosen Government is performing and if they are following the agenda that they promised me. The CVC and the CBI has power to investigate if there are allegations of shortchanging the electorate and the Courts are a forum to prosecute the guilty (if any). So, our founding fathers were smart enough to provide unique platforms for every necessity of a democracy. Long ago, during school days, I had learnt a Hindi adage , "Jiska kaam usiko sajhe, aur kare to danka baje" (in English: Every person has a suitable role in the scheme of things and it works best if every person performs his or her own role). This is exactly what I wish to tell the media moguls today. You cannot don all the hats, let every actor perform his or her role and only then its a pleasing experience to all. Do not take things for granted and abuse the powers of having a subscriber base. Lets be responsible in reporting and restore the credibility of all the pillars of the democracy. We want Indians to believe this democracy works for them. The current media escapades are denting the image of India and democracy all around the world. If this continues unchecked, sooner than later, the Government will be forced to bring in legislation that curtails the freedom of media and at that stage, media will be solely responsible for its own peril. Remember, its always better to self-regulate, because when outsiders clip your wings, you would regret it for bringing this upon yourself. Best of luck.
So Long....
Who takes the responsibility for sullying the reputation of an economist Prime Minister who is respected world wide for his statesmanship and economic acumen; for hinting that Ratan Tata might have resorted to corrupt means to get a few telecom licenses. I say, the media must compensate these individuals for the defamation and public embarrassment that they have caused, especially as the two people mentioned have always been above suspicion in their words and in deeds. What it in turn did, was making people believe that nothing good can happen in this country and even the most honest people are corrupted by money and power. The official sponsor of this public cynicism was the print and electronic media. Times Now, CNN-IBN, Outlook and Open have been the most irresponsible of the lot. In the name of social activism, they have raised themselves to a pedestal where they are above the judiciary and executive of this country. I have special hatred towards Arnab Goswami (Times Now) and Rajdeep Sardesai (CNN-IBN) who think they are conducting "janata adalat" or people's forum on their respective 9' o clock shows. These two are responsible for majority of Indians having no trust in any of the pillars of democracy. So much of "facts" and "truths" are planted in these shows that people have began to believe that a TV studio is the official platform for the Government of India to face the country and answer them. It is also the platform to dispense justice to the "wronged" citizens of India and a place to decide which policies are good for India. So in short, a TV anchor is legislature, the executive and judiciary at the same time. Add to this, their "investigative powers", which they claimed was better than the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) and being a better watchdog than the "tainted" Chief Vigilance Commissioner (CVC); we have a be all and end all powerhouse called media. Now, my question is, is this good for India. The answer is, unequivocal NO. We cannot have media dictate the speed of governance, mobilising public opinion for or against a particular elected Government or making policy decisions. Media is supposed to be a messenger and that's what it should be doing, namely, presenting an item as it is without fear, favour or ill-will. If the messenger goes rogue and begins to use the medium to run its own agendas, create news where there isn't any and become a platform for creating stories rather than reporting them,then just "shoot the messenger"(as in the adage), for he causes more harm than good to the society.
Today, a Kapil Sibal (Minister of the Union Cabinet for Telecommunication and IT, eminent lawyer) is not allowed to place his side of the story as media has pronounced the Government of India guilty of embezzling the nation of Rs. 1.76 lakh ($40 billion) . A Raja (Ex. Minister of the Union Cabinet for Telecommunication and IT, accused in the 2G scam) is not allowed to tell his side of the story of what the devil went in his mind when he took "stupid" and mostly illegal decisions. A CBI is looking more and more stupid because of the many, many leaks in its cadre that media laps up and splashes it all around as "Breaking news". Comments are attributed to a particular person (here say or anonymous source) and huge embarrassment is caused to individuals every single day. I thought the Constitution gave each and everyone of us a right to "remain innocent until proven guilty" then why are verdicts being passed everyday in TV studios where cases are being taken up sou-motu and the "judge" has prejudged the matter before the first hearing. In the name of giving sensational breaking -news items, no holds barred contest are taking place in the media. God forbid, if anyone questions the media, they all cry hoarse "Don't shoot the messenger". I say, keep shooting the messenger until he learns his responsibility. Ban the channels until the electronic media stops fake investigative stories and leaks and concentrates more on the basic work of reporting as it happened. My message to the messengers, get your basic acts together guys, your stories are falling flat every single day and should a day come and people realise that you fed them stories for an ulterior motive, the little credibility that the media has as the conscience keeper of the society, will be lost for ever.
I, like all Indians, would like to know the entire truth about how the Government is functioning. I would like to know if the promises the Government made to me when I elected them to power are being carried out. I would want to know what are the eminent minds of India thinking about the performance of the Government and the shortcomings if any. If the Government is shortchanging me, I would not want to re-elect them to power for another term. Democracy in India, provides a unique platform for each of these things. It gives me the power to elect a Government during the elections. Parliament allows me to know how my chosen Government is performing and if they are following the agenda that they promised me. The CVC and the CBI has power to investigate if there are allegations of shortchanging the electorate and the Courts are a forum to prosecute the guilty (if any). So, our founding fathers were smart enough to provide unique platforms for every necessity of a democracy. Long ago, during school days, I had learnt a Hindi adage , "Jiska kaam usiko sajhe, aur kare to danka baje" (in English: Every person has a suitable role in the scheme of things and it works best if every person performs his or her own role). This is exactly what I wish to tell the media moguls today. You cannot don all the hats, let every actor perform his or her role and only then its a pleasing experience to all. Do not take things for granted and abuse the powers of having a subscriber base. Lets be responsible in reporting and restore the credibility of all the pillars of the democracy. We want Indians to believe this democracy works for them. The current media escapades are denting the image of India and democracy all around the world. If this continues unchecked, sooner than later, the Government will be forced to bring in legislation that curtails the freedom of media and at that stage, media will be solely responsible for its own peril. Remember, its always better to self-regulate, because when outsiders clip your wings, you would regret it for bringing this upon yourself. Best of luck.
So Long....
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Back seat driving
Being a parent is no doubt the greatest responsibility in the world. It involves bringing a new life into this world who will be looking up to you for inspiration and for whom you will be the only role model. Parents all around the world take up this job of parenting with all seriousness and try to clean up their act in front of their kids; to maintain that impression of being the role-model. However, over a period of time, this “act” gets into their head and they actually start believing in the story that they were trying to sell, namely, “they are role models”, not just for their children, but for other parents too. This is a solemn fact, it’s not exclusive to one person; its true for all the past, present and future parents. Parents rise onto this moral and ethical high ground and knowingly/unknowingly project badly on the “human” acts of their children. Children, often wonder, what the devil has gotten into their parents; how come the once so “cool dad” is acting all bent out of shape and the mother with progressive ideals is behaving in a parochial way.
Without doubt, being a parent is a thankless job; and it should be one. If your kid turns out well, you may or may not get the credit but if they go the other way, everyone blames the parenting for the end result. Parents are expected to shoulder the blame of their children’s failures and in most cases do not get take credit of their victories. In reality, most parents behave in the exact opposite manner. In my humble opinion, seeing a part of you grow into a gallant young man or a beautiful, young and successful woman is totally worth all the brick bats you face. It’s mostly about a sense of achievement; more like a sports team coach, who builds and moulds a team. However, the team might forget the coach in their successes but in the wake of failures, the coach has to shoulder the blame. Similarly, parents can secretly feel proud of their kids' achievements, but should not claim the credit for it. Most coaches would tell you, “The ‘kick’ you get out of seeing your team perform, seeing your tactics unfold, is worth all the risk in the world”. Parents, please take notice. Do not use your kids as props for one upmanship with your peers. Your children are neither your possessions nor should you treat them as one. If your son wants to be a musician and not a Doctor like your neighbour’s daughter, let him be. Don’t kill his dreams so that you don’t pass of as a “loser” in front of your neighbour. In north India, parents take their parenting far too seriously and find it a good case to even kill their children if they tend to “embarrass” their parents in front of the “society”. Worse part, no one seems to find this fundamentalism as bad as the “Talibanization”. Social pressures, educational pressures, peer pressures… it’s not rocket science why many teenagers/ young adults commit suicide. If only, parents valued the life that they brought into this world a lot more than their “social-status”. If only, parents gave higher preference to sort out the entangled minds of their children rather than worry about “what will society say if my son/daughter does this”. The fact that you gave birth to your child, does not give you the automatic right to take away his/her life. Parents should and must stop projecting their dreams, aspirations, social standing onto their children and let them grow and flourish in a world insulated from these pressures.
Finally, I do respect the place of parents in our lives and am of the opinion that no one should forget their contribution towards creating our personality. However, I do object to the back seat driving that many parents do in their children's life. A coach's job ends outside the play-field. On the field, the player must perform. If the coach needs to make moves on behalf of the player, then he/she has failed as a coach, they have only created a puppet that acts as the strings are pulled. Parents should know where “help” ends and where “interference” begins. It is a fine line and am afraid, most parents cross it in the excitement of "being there" for their children. There can be no excuse to bulldoze young adults with your decisions. If a person is old enough to choose a government then he/she is mature enough to make most decisions in their life. Parents feel, in hindsight, they know which paths are right and which are not. Hindsight is a good judge of your actions, but to use them to judge your children’s choices is a mistake. Let the children choose their own paths and learn from them. Remember, how we all learnt to ride a bike; how we fell the first few times and then mastered it. Likewise, children will fall a few times and learn the rights and wrongs of life. Give them that opportunity to become wiser. Give them the confidence to take decisions and make them brave enough to be accountable to the decisions they made. Do not spoon feed second hand knowledge as it will do them no good. After all, someday they have to fend for themselves as you won’t be around forever fighting their battles for them. The sooner they learn to be independent and accountable, the better person they will end up being.
So long.....
Without doubt, being a parent is a thankless job; and it should be one. If your kid turns out well, you may or may not get the credit but if they go the other way, everyone blames the parenting for the end result. Parents are expected to shoulder the blame of their children’s failures and in most cases do not get take credit of their victories. In reality, most parents behave in the exact opposite manner. In my humble opinion, seeing a part of you grow into a gallant young man or a beautiful, young and successful woman is totally worth all the brick bats you face. It’s mostly about a sense of achievement; more like a sports team coach, who builds and moulds a team. However, the team might forget the coach in their successes but in the wake of failures, the coach has to shoulder the blame. Similarly, parents can secretly feel proud of their kids' achievements, but should not claim the credit for it. Most coaches would tell you, “The ‘kick’ you get out of seeing your team perform, seeing your tactics unfold, is worth all the risk in the world”. Parents, please take notice. Do not use your kids as props for one upmanship with your peers. Your children are neither your possessions nor should you treat them as one. If your son wants to be a musician and not a Doctor like your neighbour’s daughter, let him be. Don’t kill his dreams so that you don’t pass of as a “loser” in front of your neighbour. In north India, parents take their parenting far too seriously and find it a good case to even kill their children if they tend to “embarrass” their parents in front of the “society”. Worse part, no one seems to find this fundamentalism as bad as the “Talibanization”. Social pressures, educational pressures, peer pressures… it’s not rocket science why many teenagers/ young adults commit suicide. If only, parents valued the life that they brought into this world a lot more than their “social-status”. If only, parents gave higher preference to sort out the entangled minds of their children rather than worry about “what will society say if my son/daughter does this”. The fact that you gave birth to your child, does not give you the automatic right to take away his/her life. Parents should and must stop projecting their dreams, aspirations, social standing onto their children and let them grow and flourish in a world insulated from these pressures.
Finally, I do respect the place of parents in our lives and am of the opinion that no one should forget their contribution towards creating our personality. However, I do object to the back seat driving that many parents do in their children's life. A coach's job ends outside the play-field. On the field, the player must perform. If the coach needs to make moves on behalf of the player, then he/she has failed as a coach, they have only created a puppet that acts as the strings are pulled. Parents should know where “help” ends and where “interference” begins. It is a fine line and am afraid, most parents cross it in the excitement of "being there" for their children. There can be no excuse to bulldoze young adults with your decisions. If a person is old enough to choose a government then he/she is mature enough to make most decisions in their life. Parents feel, in hindsight, they know which paths are right and which are not. Hindsight is a good judge of your actions, but to use them to judge your children’s choices is a mistake. Let the children choose their own paths and learn from them. Remember, how we all learnt to ride a bike; how we fell the first few times and then mastered it. Likewise, children will fall a few times and learn the rights and wrongs of life. Give them that opportunity to become wiser. Give them the confidence to take decisions and make them brave enough to be accountable to the decisions they made. Do not spoon feed second hand knowledge as it will do them no good. After all, someday they have to fend for themselves as you won’t be around forever fighting their battles for them. The sooner they learn to be independent and accountable, the better person they will end up being.
So long.....
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
No country for old men
Hey guys, today's topic is a little touchy and emotional because I am making a direct charge at everyone that we are not respectful towards the older citizen of our country and treat them as a responsibility that we are happy not to have. With India having 65% of its population less than the age of 30; the young blood and the impatience to surge ahead is making us insensitive towards the needs of the older people and in some cases we are blatantly blaming them for slowing us down or weighing down our flights. It makes me wonder, is growing old so bad that everyone treats you only as a liability. When the body functioning is slowing down and reactions not as quick, cold apathy from the younger generation makes it that much worse for the older people.
I was travelling on New York City's local transport bus from Times Square (42nd & 8th) to Central Park (60th & 8th). That travel of 18 blocks is ridden with 12 traffic junctions, several crossings and total chaos of NYC traffic. Yet, the driver of the bus was taking every stop, handling driving and ticketing all by himself and having a smile on his face and a "Hi" on his lips for every person boarding the bus. The gesture that impressed me was when he took the stop of 55th street. There was one old lady on a wheel chair at the bus stop and the bus was almost full. The driver pulled over to the curb and lowered the ramp. He walked down and helped the old lady up the ramp and fastened her wheel chair to the buckles provided in the bus. Then, he took money from her and provided her the ticket and once he was satisfied that she was comfortable, he went back to his seat and got the bus back to the driving lane. What struck me even more was that no one in the bus protested that delay of 5-7 mins on a working day. They felt this was natural courtesy towards senior citizens and must be provided even at the cost of the other passengers' time. As I got off at my stop, I had new found respect for New York City for their sensitivity in the wake of mad rush towards their destinations. I asked myself are we busier than NYC, which is called business capital of the world? Then why cant I imagine simple courteous behaviour by any service provider in India, leave alone showing extra patience in handling senior citizens. How many of us remember the government offices and the officers for their polite and courteous behaviour; How many of us know an approachable police department; How many of us are treated well at a bank counter waiting to get some cash from our savings accounts. The answer to all these questions will beg to ask another major question, namely, if we do not have patience in handling regular customers, can we claim to have the patience to handle senior citizens who are slow, not by choice but by age. Do we not owe a happy and secure retirement life to the people who have paid their dues to the society.
Try and imagine the hostile environment in which our senior citizens live, trust me, we would not be excited to live long enough to undergo that humiliation. Imagine your income is reduced to the interest portion of your erstwhile savings and investments. You have gained a lot in wisdom over the years but no one wants to learn anything from you. To others, you are nothing but "a spent force", trying to show off your importance by advising everyone around. Even the children in whom you invested your entire youth and major chunk of your money look at you as nothing more than an added responsibility. You cannot move out freely because the traffic is too fast paced for you and the traffic junctions are not age appropriate or user friendly for you. You have to depend on someone to help you cross small roads or drive you to the nearest bank. All of a sudden you feel helpless and the best way for you is to avoid going outside and stay indoors. Life seems so unfair. People in the line for tickets are not sensitive to your inability to stand in long queues, people in the bus cause a ruckus because you take that extra minute to get on or off the bus. In short everyone makes you realise that you are in their way and in one way or the other say, "either get catch up or move aside". Then you sit and wonder, why the hell did I spend most of my life working and earning if in the end, I cant even live my retirement life peacefully and in a dignified way.
Today, most of our buildings, places of worship, transport facilities are not built to cater to the needs of senior citizens and physically disabled. We have so conveniently ignored a major chunk of our population for a simple reason that they have no representative voice. Even our octogenarian politicians cant think outside of the comforts of their offices and bullet proof cars. Our physically challenged population and senior citizens have suffered long enough and I feel its time we set things right. I humbly submit, if we do not move now, maybe our grandparents and parents bear the brunt in the present... but we have nothing to look forward to after another 30 years except a life of dependence. We all, cherish our freedom and its the best feeling anyone can ever experience. Lets not take it away from a large portion of our society just because we are incapable of thinking beyond our needs or to spare an extra minute to accommodate them.
Think about it...
So long..
I was travelling on New York City's local transport bus from Times Square (42nd & 8th) to Central Park (60th & 8th). That travel of 18 blocks is ridden with 12 traffic junctions, several crossings and total chaos of NYC traffic. Yet, the driver of the bus was taking every stop, handling driving and ticketing all by himself and having a smile on his face and a "Hi" on his lips for every person boarding the bus. The gesture that impressed me was when he took the stop of 55th street. There was one old lady on a wheel chair at the bus stop and the bus was almost full. The driver pulled over to the curb and lowered the ramp. He walked down and helped the old lady up the ramp and fastened her wheel chair to the buckles provided in the bus. Then, he took money from her and provided her the ticket and once he was satisfied that she was comfortable, he went back to his seat and got the bus back to the driving lane. What struck me even more was that no one in the bus protested that delay of 5-7 mins on a working day. They felt this was natural courtesy towards senior citizens and must be provided even at the cost of the other passengers' time. As I got off at my stop, I had new found respect for New York City for their sensitivity in the wake of mad rush towards their destinations. I asked myself are we busier than NYC, which is called business capital of the world? Then why cant I imagine simple courteous behaviour by any service provider in India, leave alone showing extra patience in handling senior citizens. How many of us remember the government offices and the officers for their polite and courteous behaviour; How many of us know an approachable police department; How many of us are treated well at a bank counter waiting to get some cash from our savings accounts. The answer to all these questions will beg to ask another major question, namely, if we do not have patience in handling regular customers, can we claim to have the patience to handle senior citizens who are slow, not by choice but by age. Do we not owe a happy and secure retirement life to the people who have paid their dues to the society.
Try and imagine the hostile environment in which our senior citizens live, trust me, we would not be excited to live long enough to undergo that humiliation. Imagine your income is reduced to the interest portion of your erstwhile savings and investments. You have gained a lot in wisdom over the years but no one wants to learn anything from you. To others, you are nothing but "a spent force", trying to show off your importance by advising everyone around. Even the children in whom you invested your entire youth and major chunk of your money look at you as nothing more than an added responsibility. You cannot move out freely because the traffic is too fast paced for you and the traffic junctions are not age appropriate or user friendly for you. You have to depend on someone to help you cross small roads or drive you to the nearest bank. All of a sudden you feel helpless and the best way for you is to avoid going outside and stay indoors. Life seems so unfair. People in the line for tickets are not sensitive to your inability to stand in long queues, people in the bus cause a ruckus because you take that extra minute to get on or off the bus. In short everyone makes you realise that you are in their way and in one way or the other say, "either get catch up or move aside". Then you sit and wonder, why the hell did I spend most of my life working and earning if in the end, I cant even live my retirement life peacefully and in a dignified way.
Today, most of our buildings, places of worship, transport facilities are not built to cater to the needs of senior citizens and physically disabled. We have so conveniently ignored a major chunk of our population for a simple reason that they have no representative voice. Even our octogenarian politicians cant think outside of the comforts of their offices and bullet proof cars. Our physically challenged population and senior citizens have suffered long enough and I feel its time we set things right. I humbly submit, if we do not move now, maybe our grandparents and parents bear the brunt in the present... but we have nothing to look forward to after another 30 years except a life of dependence. We all, cherish our freedom and its the best feeling anyone can ever experience. Lets not take it away from a large portion of our society just because we are incapable of thinking beyond our needs or to spare an extra minute to accommodate them.
Think about it...
So long..
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Yearn for a supportive woman...
A stammering student learns to love without hesitation.
A soft, weeping noise made Mariam curious. It was around eleven in the night and as the matron she decided to investigate the sound. It belonged to a thin, fragile boy of 14 whose forehead was burning with a fever. Mariam recognised him as the new, bright boarder who had found a place in this elite residential school in Dehradun purely by merit. The Class VIII student had stood first in the whole of UP to bag the honour. She handed the feverish Sachin Srivastava an aspirin and a cup of hot tea before putting the lad to bed.In many ways, Srivastava seemed to mystify Mariam.
She had heard that this frail boy, who had never picked up a pair of boxing gloves before, had put up a great fight against the school's best boxer. This courage was a strange contrast to his hesitant self in class. For a Hindi-medium-schooled, middle class boy, the high-profile institute with its unfamiliar medium of instruction must be intimidating, Mariam deduced. "His vulnerability appealed to me greatly, " says the 73-year-old in retrospect.What she didn't know was that Srivastava hesitated to speak for fear of being exposed as a stammerer. He soon realised though that unlike his other teachers, she never poked fun or "crinkled her face" when he stammered. In fact, in that otherwise hostile setup, Mariam was "nurturing, almost motherly", recalls 52-year-old Dr Srivastava, who has been living in with his teacher for almost 25 years now.
In his Dehradun apartment, Mariam plays wife, mother, homemaker and critic. They often laugh about their strange, complex love, not tarnished but complemented by all its mismatched details. . He was 14 and she 35, when they first met. She was a divorcee with a daughter from her first marriage, and he was a young, infatuated teenager who admired her because she was caring and "dressed neatly". Not only did they belong to different religions but also incompatible star signs. "He is a Cancerian while I am a Leo. According to astrology, we're not supposed to get along at all, " says Mariam. But love, for this duo, was chiefly a cerebral pre-occupation. Something that was cemented by the ritual of thinking, writing, reading, re-reading and letter-writing. After Srivastava passed out from school and went on to Allahabad medical college, he would write long letters in Mariam's mother tongue - English - to impress her. These weekly letters, Mariam knew, were the result of affection coupled with frequent glances at the Oxford dictionary. She would underline the difficult words sternly and send the copy back with a covering letter, but not before "weeping with love and affection" at the lengths Srivastava had gone to. But there was one letter she did not feel the need to correct. Once Srivastava passed out of college and started working with a malaria eradication scheme in Orissa, he wrote to Mariam who was teaching in a Gorakhpur residential school then, saying: "At last, I am in a position to offer you a home. " This simple statement not only confirmed his love for her but also equipped Mariam, who did not have a residence of her own till then, with a sense of security.
As a 20-year-old, Mariam, whose ancestors had been a part of the army and the Indian railways in pre-Independent India, had decided against going back with her family to England after Independence. First her mother left, then her father and later her elder brother too followed in the '60s. But Mariam, who loved India, was adamant about staying back and became a teacher. Today, she speaks fluent Hindi and regularly lapses into it while talking to her elder brother over the phone. When the couple started living together, there was heavy opposition from both sides of the family. "If someone was angry or upset, we never let it bother us, " says Mariam. In the last 30 years, Mariam has seen Srivastava blossom from a shy adolescent into an adventurous youngster and then, a calm middle-aged man. He seldom complains even when the daal she's cooked has no salt. "Why the devil didn't you tell me?" she fumes, but he merely shrugs. He also kept quiet about his stammer till two years ago. That confession, for Mariam, explained a lot of his hesitation. Today, she understands the challenges of stammerers like Srivastava. And he loves her for patiently holding on to the receiver while waiting for one of his stammering friends to say 'Hello'. She is also the reason why a Hindi-mediumschooled, middle class boy is capable of appreciating Mozart and talking about the depth in Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. She was also the best critic. "Why do you always drop the indefinite articles?" she used to reprimand him then. But today, some more things have changed. The dictionary has been replaced by the computer and it is Mariam who has to seek his help with the machine. Arthritis and old age have ensured that she looks after two dogs at home while he tends to patients. They have both taken to spirtuality without being "moronic or pedantic" about it and revel in intellectual conversations. "It has always been mind over matter for us," says Mariam. Though they don't have biological children, they don't feel the vacuum. "Love is a wonderful achievement, " concludes Srivastava, without dropping the indefinite article.
PS: I read this story named "Fluent Love" and was touched by the "love" part of the love story.
So long .....
A soft, weeping noise made Mariam curious. It was around eleven in the night and as the matron she decided to investigate the sound. It belonged to a thin, fragile boy of 14 whose forehead was burning with a fever. Mariam recognised him as the new, bright boarder who had found a place in this elite residential school in Dehradun purely by merit. The Class VIII student had stood first in the whole of UP to bag the honour. She handed the feverish Sachin Srivastava an aspirin and a cup of hot tea before putting the lad to bed.In many ways, Srivastava seemed to mystify Mariam.
She had heard that this frail boy, who had never picked up a pair of boxing gloves before, had put up a great fight against the school's best boxer. This courage was a strange contrast to his hesitant self in class. For a Hindi-medium-schooled, middle class boy, the high-profile institute with its unfamiliar medium of instruction must be intimidating, Mariam deduced. "His vulnerability appealed to me greatly, " says the 73-year-old in retrospect.What she didn't know was that Srivastava hesitated to speak for fear of being exposed as a stammerer. He soon realised though that unlike his other teachers, she never poked fun or "crinkled her face" when he stammered. In fact, in that otherwise hostile setup, Mariam was "nurturing, almost motherly", recalls 52-year-old Dr Srivastava, who has been living in with his teacher for almost 25 years now.
In his Dehradun apartment, Mariam plays wife, mother, homemaker and critic. They often laugh about their strange, complex love, not tarnished but complemented by all its mismatched details. . He was 14 and she 35, when they first met. She was a divorcee with a daughter from her first marriage, and he was a young, infatuated teenager who admired her because she was caring and "dressed neatly". Not only did they belong to different religions but also incompatible star signs. "He is a Cancerian while I am a Leo. According to astrology, we're not supposed to get along at all, " says Mariam. But love, for this duo, was chiefly a cerebral pre-occupation. Something that was cemented by the ritual of thinking, writing, reading, re-reading and letter-writing. After Srivastava passed out from school and went on to Allahabad medical college, he would write long letters in Mariam's mother tongue - English - to impress her. These weekly letters, Mariam knew, were the result of affection coupled with frequent glances at the Oxford dictionary. She would underline the difficult words sternly and send the copy back with a covering letter, but not before "weeping with love and affection" at the lengths Srivastava had gone to. But there was one letter she did not feel the need to correct. Once Srivastava passed out of college and started working with a malaria eradication scheme in Orissa, he wrote to Mariam who was teaching in a Gorakhpur residential school then, saying: "At last, I am in a position to offer you a home. " This simple statement not only confirmed his love for her but also equipped Mariam, who did not have a residence of her own till then, with a sense of security.
As a 20-year-old, Mariam, whose ancestors had been a part of the army and the Indian railways in pre-Independent India, had decided against going back with her family to England after Independence. First her mother left, then her father and later her elder brother too followed in the '60s. But Mariam, who loved India, was adamant about staying back and became a teacher. Today, she speaks fluent Hindi and regularly lapses into it while talking to her elder brother over the phone. When the couple started living together, there was heavy opposition from both sides of the family. "If someone was angry or upset, we never let it bother us, " says Mariam. In the last 30 years, Mariam has seen Srivastava blossom from a shy adolescent into an adventurous youngster and then, a calm middle-aged man. He seldom complains even when the daal she's cooked has no salt. "Why the devil didn't you tell me?" she fumes, but he merely shrugs. He also kept quiet about his stammer till two years ago. That confession, for Mariam, explained a lot of his hesitation. Today, she understands the challenges of stammerers like Srivastava. And he loves her for patiently holding on to the receiver while waiting for one of his stammering friends to say 'Hello'. She is also the reason why a Hindi-mediumschooled, middle class boy is capable of appreciating Mozart and talking about the depth in Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. She was also the best critic. "Why do you always drop the indefinite articles?" she used to reprimand him then. But today, some more things have changed. The dictionary has been replaced by the computer and it is Mariam who has to seek his help with the machine. Arthritis and old age have ensured that she looks after two dogs at home while he tends to patients. They have both taken to spirtuality without being "moronic or pedantic" about it and revel in intellectual conversations. "It has always been mind over matter for us," says Mariam. Though they don't have biological children, they don't feel the vacuum. "Love is a wonderful achievement, " concludes Srivastava, without dropping the indefinite article.
PS: I read this story named "Fluent Love" and was touched by the "love" part of the love story.
So long .....
The fear of loss
Of all the fears known to us, the fear of loss is the greatest. Its mostly irrational fear coupled with insecurity of our possessions. I do not intend going all spiritual on this, but the easiest way of over come this fear is to not possess anything. Alas!!! life is not that simple, else we would have seen happy faces all around us.
I could go on and on about our possession and how we spend a fortune acquiring them and a lifetime safeguarding them... but my main focus in this post is the fear of loss that wreaks apart relationships. I have always believed that the people in our life are the most priciest possessions we have and we must treat them with the respect due to them. The word "possession" does not mean ownership in this regard, it merely means "providing value by virtue of presence". People in our life define us. It could be our friends, family or social circle, all of us go out of the way to gravitate people towards ourselves and try and maintain a close knit group of personal friends. The maintaining part is tricky.. like a wise saying; "Its easy to make friends.. very difficult to maintain them". Why do you think so many fissures occur in human relationships... be it your spouse, your girl/boy friend or your friends; the main cause of disintegration of a relationship is the fear of loss and sense of insecurity.
Its a vicious circle if you ask me. Normally, we attract a new person in our life by showcasing our positive qualities. People get attracted towards us and become a major part of our life. Then we realise, we cannot exist without these special people and try going out of the way to hold onto them. We try making ourselves an irreplaceable part of their life, and in due course resort to either manipulating them or emotionally draining them. Either ways, our attraction index begins to fall and people in our life are turned off by this "possessiveness" and parochial behaviour. The more we attempt keeping them close, the more they feel smothered and drift away. In the end, we conclude.. "people whom we love the most..end up hurting us the most", so its simply not worth it. We seldom ask ourselves, why did I chase them away with my psychotic possessiveness? Why did I let go of all the beautiful qualities that attracted people towards me and resort to cheap manipulation and emotional guilt trips is desperate bid to hold them in my life. In the end, as we can see... they still get away. The plot, sadly, is lost and the very fear of losing someone precious becomes the main reason that we end up actually losing people. Its a shame what irrational fear can do to sane people, driving them close to insanity.
I would not claim I am above all of this. I have had my share of insane moments.. just as the the next person might have had, only difference, I recognise.. and intend to change. If I ever gave out pearls of wisdom, then none was more precious than this one "You cannot guarantee the life of any relationship, the best you can do is avoid messing it up by being insecure. In the end if its supposed to die, nothing can save it and if its meant to be... nothing can stop it". Lets try and provide a sense of security to the near and dear ones in our life and not drive them away by our irrational fear. The more you cling onto life, the more painful it becomes... we all know that. Same is the case with relationships. Experience is always better second hand and I hope we all learn from my experiences in life.
So long....
I could go on and on about our possession and how we spend a fortune acquiring them and a lifetime safeguarding them... but my main focus in this post is the fear of loss that wreaks apart relationships. I have always believed that the people in our life are the most priciest possessions we have and we must treat them with the respect due to them. The word "possession" does not mean ownership in this regard, it merely means "providing value by virtue of presence". People in our life define us. It could be our friends, family or social circle, all of us go out of the way to gravitate people towards ourselves and try and maintain a close knit group of personal friends. The maintaining part is tricky.. like a wise saying; "Its easy to make friends.. very difficult to maintain them". Why do you think so many fissures occur in human relationships... be it your spouse, your girl/boy friend or your friends; the main cause of disintegration of a relationship is the fear of loss and sense of insecurity.
Its a vicious circle if you ask me. Normally, we attract a new person in our life by showcasing our positive qualities. People get attracted towards us and become a major part of our life. Then we realise, we cannot exist without these special people and try going out of the way to hold onto them. We try making ourselves an irreplaceable part of their life, and in due course resort to either manipulating them or emotionally draining them. Either ways, our attraction index begins to fall and people in our life are turned off by this "possessiveness" and parochial behaviour. The more we attempt keeping them close, the more they feel smothered and drift away. In the end, we conclude.. "people whom we love the most..end up hurting us the most", so its simply not worth it. We seldom ask ourselves, why did I chase them away with my psychotic possessiveness? Why did I let go of all the beautiful qualities that attracted people towards me and resort to cheap manipulation and emotional guilt trips is desperate bid to hold them in my life. In the end, as we can see... they still get away. The plot, sadly, is lost and the very fear of losing someone precious becomes the main reason that we end up actually losing people. Its a shame what irrational fear can do to sane people, driving them close to insanity.
I would not claim I am above all of this. I have had my share of insane moments.. just as the the next person might have had, only difference, I recognise.. and intend to change. If I ever gave out pearls of wisdom, then none was more precious than this one "You cannot guarantee the life of any relationship, the best you can do is avoid messing it up by being insecure. In the end if its supposed to die, nothing can save it and if its meant to be... nothing can stop it". Lets try and provide a sense of security to the near and dear ones in our life and not drive them away by our irrational fear. The more you cling onto life, the more painful it becomes... we all know that. Same is the case with relationships. Experience is always better second hand and I hope we all learn from my experiences in life.
So long....
Ask not what your country can do for you....
Hey guys... today's post is about a quasi offense endearment that our NRI friends seems to be having with the Indian union. Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas (PBD) is a initiative started by Government of India (GOI) in the year 2002. Ever since every year in the first/second week of January we have this get-together of the Indian diaspora and cogitating on how to make the country better in major walks of life including how to make it an economic super power. Every year we hear GOI pointing out areas where in the Indian diaspora can contribute to the growth of their country and mostly it had just been investments in various projects that GOI plans to roll out.
All these years have created a monster ego in our NRI friends and they seem to have built this illusion of grandeur that PBD is a official platform for the GOI to remind the Indian diaspora of their Indian-ness and ask for investments. They have, over a period of time, got into the mindset that India needs them only for their money and somehow its crept into their psyche that they can act cocky towards GOI because according to them a major portion of Indian GDP is their FOREX contribution. I have happened to read certain comments on the web and it pained me that our NRI friends seemed to have a firm belief that India runs on the money they send and every Indian (including GOI) should forever be indebted to them for their generous contributions.
A certain Montek Singh Ahluwalia, deputy chairman of the Indian planning commission and a great economic mind, has very recently burst the bubble for them. NRIs were livid at him because single handed, he poked a hole into the argument that NRIs drive the Indian economy. If you read his credentials, you wouldn't doubt his line of argument and so I agree with him a 100%. He was showcasing India to the Indian diaspora and made a statement "The GOI does not not hold PBD as platform of raising investments, however if anyone feels their money is better invested in India and they get good returns then they can invest.. else they can pick their own investment destination". There was a huge outcry with many bruised egos calling for his dismissal as he took away the high pedestal that NRIs put themselves on and brought them on par with "normal" and "mortal" Indians. I, personally liked the line that GOI is taking with NRIs. For too long a time have they enjoyed this God like status and now they are made to realise the virtues "Country is above us all" and "if you don't invest in us, its your loss". I have nothing personal against the NRIs, I think its great that Indians have gone all over the world and made a name for themselves and for India. I only object when they ask "what has India done for us".
To all my NRI brothers and sisters, we as a country are proud of you and your achievements. You are a showcase of Indian talent and have done a huge plus for the country's reputation in the world but after all this, you are still not above the country. If India calls for your help, its your sacred and moral obligation to stand up for your country. People all around the world do this for their motherland and it doesn't matter how much you contribute.. its the intent we appreciate. Right now, India does not need your money.. we need your minds.. your expertise in various fields to build a strong and inclusive economic super power. So shun your egos and get to work. If the country calls, you have to answer and that rule holds to all us resident Indians as much as you all. It brings me to the famous line of President John F. Kennedy's address to the nation "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what can you do for your country".
So long........
All these years have created a monster ego in our NRI friends and they seem to have built this illusion of grandeur that PBD is a official platform for the GOI to remind the Indian diaspora of their Indian-ness and ask for investments. They have, over a period of time, got into the mindset that India needs them only for their money and somehow its crept into their psyche that they can act cocky towards GOI because according to them a major portion of Indian GDP is their FOREX contribution. I have happened to read certain comments on the web and it pained me that our NRI friends seemed to have a firm belief that India runs on the money they send and every Indian (including GOI) should forever be indebted to them for their generous contributions.
A certain Montek Singh Ahluwalia, deputy chairman of the Indian planning commission and a great economic mind, has very recently burst the bubble for them. NRIs were livid at him because single handed, he poked a hole into the argument that NRIs drive the Indian economy. If you read his credentials, you wouldn't doubt his line of argument and so I agree with him a 100%. He was showcasing India to the Indian diaspora and made a statement "The GOI does not not hold PBD as platform of raising investments, however if anyone feels their money is better invested in India and they get good returns then they can invest.. else they can pick their own investment destination". There was a huge outcry with many bruised egos calling for his dismissal as he took away the high pedestal that NRIs put themselves on and brought them on par with "normal" and "mortal" Indians. I, personally liked the line that GOI is taking with NRIs. For too long a time have they enjoyed this God like status and now they are made to realise the virtues "Country is above us all" and "if you don't invest in us, its your loss". I have nothing personal against the NRIs, I think its great that Indians have gone all over the world and made a name for themselves and for India. I only object when they ask "what has India done for us".
To all my NRI brothers and sisters, we as a country are proud of you and your achievements. You are a showcase of Indian talent and have done a huge plus for the country's reputation in the world but after all this, you are still not above the country. If India calls for your help, its your sacred and moral obligation to stand up for your country. People all around the world do this for their motherland and it doesn't matter how much you contribute.. its the intent we appreciate. Right now, India does not need your money.. we need your minds.. your expertise in various fields to build a strong and inclusive economic super power. So shun your egos and get to work. If the country calls, you have to answer and that rule holds to all us resident Indians as much as you all. It brings me to the famous line of President John F. Kennedy's address to the nation "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what can you do for your country".
So long........
Monday, January 10, 2011
Turning 30
Hey guys.. am back. Wishing you all a very happy and prosperous 2011.
Women are fascinating and this isn't just me.. it seems to be the conventional wisdom. I have observed the women in my life very closely and when I read this post I could help but wonder..... what more apt way to salute the women in my life. This one is for you girls......
(Author is Alankrita Shrivastava is the director of Turning 30) .
At heart I'm still the same Alankrita I was in college. And 30 seems to be a strange age to put to my name. But one has to grow up. The real graduation ceremony for turning 30 is experiencing a broken heart. You aren't qualified to be 30 if you haven't felt your life falling apart because of a shattered relationship and cried empty tears into the night. And then woken up and wiped your tears with the "tomorrow is another day, " feeling, aptly described by Scarlett o' Hara in Gone with the Wind. Did I ever think my life would be like this after 30?
No. I've crossed the 30 mark and I don't feel at all like I've arrived. I don't own a house. My bank account struggles with its meager tenants. I don't have children yet. Far from married, I'm still looking for love. Life is definitely not going as per the plan. The plan that was made over a decade ago. Yet, I love my life. I would not trade it for anything in the world. I live alone in Mumbai, and it's so liberating. Every young independent girl/ woman who has ever lived in Mumbai will vouch for that. It is in Mumbai that I discovered that life is not always black and white but that it exists in the crevices and corners of a million shades of grey. That was my first personal life lesson. And I think I'm still learning it. When I was 16, I was convinced I'd be happily married with a child by the time I was 30. Nothing could have convinced me otherwise. I guess it was the "every girl fantasy" that we're socialised into nurturing. I think by the time I was about 26, I knew things were not going according to plan. It didn't look like I would have babies by 30. Forget babies, I realised I may not even be married!
I wrote my film a couple of years before I turned 30. I think with the writing, I pre-empted my turning 30 crisis. And with the making of the film, I sort of resolved it. It was my catharsis through my art. I've crossed the 30 mark, and am relatively unfazed. Age really is only a number. This is not to say that I don't have my dark moments. Some mornings I really do wake up to the alarm of my biological clock. Yes, I want to have children, and sometimes it feels like time's running out. In a lot of ways, I may not be the typical girlie girl. Believe it or not, I've never worn stilettos. I don't use make up. And I detest shopping! And in other ways, I am a typical girl. I'm an emotional creature. I love gossip, and apple martinis (extra points for both together); and I absolutely love pedicures. I've recently discovered the joys of painting my toe-nails. A post-30 acquisition. I like my toes painted bright red or a deep pink. I love pink! A lot of my wardrobe is pink. I even have a pink couch. I'm a sucker for conversations and cocktails. Wine and art... beer and books. I love reading. I worry about my weight, try to do yoga, but do not compromise on my blueberry cheesecake. After all this time, I still cannot cook to save my life. And, I still haven't been able to paint like I'd like to, or travel like I'd like to. I've missed out on that entire wildly backpacking across Europe phase that many people go through in their twenties. I was too busy working. Anyway, the terrible 20s is a decade that's over. And there's a certain magic to being 30.
I'm more me now, than I was ever before. I love who I am now, in a way that I never did earlier. And it's a nice feeling. Really. I so love my space, my freedom. Sometimes even though I'm free on the outside, I feel like I'm in chains from within. And sometimes even though life seems to be so constrained on the outside, I feel so free inside. The Victorian in me versus the bohemian in me, that's an eternal battle. I'm girl and woman at the same time. Mostly more girl, less woman. Sometimes, more woman, less girl. Having gone to a girls boarding school, and then a girls college, I have grown up on a steady diet of fairytales and happily ever afters. And I love happy endings. And even though life is complicated, I believe in miracles.
Women are fascinating and this isn't just me.. it seems to be the conventional wisdom. I have observed the women in my life very closely and when I read this post I could help but wonder..... what more apt way to salute the women in my life. This one is for you girls......
(Author is Alankrita Shrivastava is the director of Turning 30) .
At heart I'm still the same Alankrita I was in college. And 30 seems to be a strange age to put to my name. But one has to grow up. The real graduation ceremony for turning 30 is experiencing a broken heart. You aren't qualified to be 30 if you haven't felt your life falling apart because of a shattered relationship and cried empty tears into the night. And then woken up and wiped your tears with the "tomorrow is another day, " feeling, aptly described by Scarlett o' Hara in Gone with the Wind. Did I ever think my life would be like this after 30?
No. I've crossed the 30 mark and I don't feel at all like I've arrived. I don't own a house. My bank account struggles with its meager tenants. I don't have children yet. Far from married, I'm still looking for love. Life is definitely not going as per the plan. The plan that was made over a decade ago. Yet, I love my life. I would not trade it for anything in the world. I live alone in Mumbai, and it's so liberating. Every young independent girl/ woman who has ever lived in Mumbai will vouch for that. It is in Mumbai that I discovered that life is not always black and white but that it exists in the crevices and corners of a million shades of grey. That was my first personal life lesson. And I think I'm still learning it. When I was 16, I was convinced I'd be happily married with a child by the time I was 30. Nothing could have convinced me otherwise. I guess it was the "every girl fantasy" that we're socialised into nurturing. I think by the time I was about 26, I knew things were not going according to plan. It didn't look like I would have babies by 30. Forget babies, I realised I may not even be married!
I wrote my film a couple of years before I turned 30. I think with the writing, I pre-empted my turning 30 crisis. And with the making of the film, I sort of resolved it. It was my catharsis through my art. I've crossed the 30 mark, and am relatively unfazed. Age really is only a number. This is not to say that I don't have my dark moments. Some mornings I really do wake up to the alarm of my biological clock. Yes, I want to have children, and sometimes it feels like time's running out. In a lot of ways, I may not be the typical girlie girl. Believe it or not, I've never worn stilettos. I don't use make up. And I detest shopping! And in other ways, I am a typical girl. I'm an emotional creature. I love gossip, and apple martinis (extra points for both together); and I absolutely love pedicures. I've recently discovered the joys of painting my toe-nails. A post-30 acquisition. I like my toes painted bright red or a deep pink. I love pink! A lot of my wardrobe is pink. I even have a pink couch. I'm a sucker for conversations and cocktails. Wine and art... beer and books. I love reading. I worry about my weight, try to do yoga, but do not compromise on my blueberry cheesecake. After all this time, I still cannot cook to save my life. And, I still haven't been able to paint like I'd like to, or travel like I'd like to. I've missed out on that entire wildly backpacking across Europe phase that many people go through in their twenties. I was too busy working. Anyway, the terrible 20s is a decade that's over. And there's a certain magic to being 30.
I'm more me now, than I was ever before. I love who I am now, in a way that I never did earlier. And it's a nice feeling. Really. I so love my space, my freedom. Sometimes even though I'm free on the outside, I feel like I'm in chains from within. And sometimes even though life seems to be so constrained on the outside, I feel so free inside. The Victorian in me versus the bohemian in me, that's an eternal battle. I'm girl and woman at the same time. Mostly more girl, less woman. Sometimes, more woman, less girl. Having gone to a girls boarding school, and then a girls college, I have grown up on a steady diet of fairytales and happily ever afters. And I love happy endings. And even though life is complicated, I believe in miracles.
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