That big O

“Shhhhhhh… not so loud” was the immediate response from my girlfriend to whom I dared to ask, “Have you ever had an orgasm” during our fifth date. Call me naïve; I always believed that women knew more than men when it comes to matters south of the border. This belief came from the fact that most schools have sessions for young women at puberty- preparing them for the changes ahead. “What did I say?” was my response. I was watching her cheeks flush and her eyes giving me the “how dare you” look. I agree it was a bit bold of me to ask this question to a girl I have barely known for a week but I was not trying to get into her pants, I truly wanted to know what the word meant.

Dictionary describes orgasm as ‘sudden muscle contractions experienced by sudden release of sexual tension’ but I feel this is lame. For me, orgasm must be like God. Each one has experienced it differently and has different words to describe the feeling; while it exists in theory, in reality many have not seen or experienced it. Without further blasphemy, let me get to the point. Sex is such taboo in our society that nobody, let alone our parents, tells us that it could be pleasurable. The only “talk” that most of us receive from our parents is on the eve of our wedding day when they let us know “what goes where” to prepare us for our wedding night. Sex is a “duty” to be performed by the couple to bring in another generation – this was how my grand uncle described it to my cousin getting married. I can imagine his shock at the lack of knowledge of the grand uncle. The point being, if we hardly get to hear about ‘sex’ how would we know it could be pleasurable too? This brings me back to the question I asked my girlfriend – “Have you ever had an orgasm?”

When I talk to my friends I get various responses on the subject. While the guys describe it crudely as ‘the fleeting moment between ah and aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh’, the girls are even more confused at the question. Research on this subject – that’s right, there are people who research it, shows that most women only experience orgasm when they ‘take matters into their own hands’ and in majority cases orgasm is an utopian dream that never happens. Prudes be damned! These were not the older generation women who could mostly blame a bad partner, these were liberal women who have been around the block and are not afraid to ask what they want from their partners.  Yet, the O word seems to elude women all around.  What could have been the reason that men so easily achieve and women find difficult to achieve or have given up on.

The reason could be that for men, sex lies in between their legs and for women, it lies in between their ears. It’s all in the mind stupid! If you are not in the moment or the mood, the physical activity will not be pleasurable. As one of my girlfriends put it “Men don’t get it. Women are like elevators, you can keep hitting the buttons repeatedly, it wont make us come faster”. How true.  The facts is, men cant figure a woman’s erogenous zones and feel that anything could be grabbed and pressed for pleasure. I don’t blame them; that’s how most men get their pleasure and it never occurs to them that, women are not mere service providers they need the pleasure too. Consequently, men go about their business and women fake it to boost the male ego and partly because they don’t want to look incapable of having orgasms.

Of the many women who participated in the survey, 8 out 10 agreed that they fake it each time just so their partner does not feel inadequate. They shared that they later ‘finish’ in the shower. Many women did not even know what an orgasm feels like and most of them assumed it to a tingling sensation that one feels while getting intimate. The reason this never gets discussed is because each women feels there is something wrong with her and that is why she cannot feel it.  It is embarrassing to admit it while she sees the porn star climax in couple of strokes. If only women take the time to educate their partners about “how they like it”, they might be able to enjoy a fundamental experience and it will not seem so much like a chore anymore.

So long.....