I must confess that I have been watching a lot of romantic movies lately and even though it made me glad that the protagonists do end up together in the end.. my heart went out for the ones who are the collateral damage of this love story. Almost every love story has one or two collateral damages who lend a intriguing twist to the story and in most cases are depicted as the villain of the movie. The collateral damage I am referring to here, is the person whom the protagonists are dating /married /living in with, when they realise that they love each other and chuck their partners in matter of few seconds to be with the ones they truly belong. In the end, we always have tears of joy that the love story was with a happy ending vis-a-vis the protagonists, no one bothers to think what ever happened to the "other person". Love stories are so romanticised that no one even thinks of the person who lost out; whose dreams were shattered and in many cases was left to bleed when their partner decide to walk out on them.
If a story was to be made on someone who lost out, how would it go? Imagine.. maybe it would sound something like this. There was once a girl who knew not what love was. All her life she learnt not to depend on the kindness of the universe.. rather believed on the merit of hard work. She lost both her parents at a young age and life had prepared her for the tough road ahead. All through her teenage life she faced difficulties and made things work for her. After graduation, she landed into a wonderful job and finally began to live a life she always aspired, a life of plenty. Then, she meets this wonderful guy at work and things that she never thought possible begin to happen.. she falls in love with him. During their courtship, she understands this guy and knows more about him. She knows that he has been out of a long relationship with a bad breakup and tries her best to make her own space in his life. Over a period of time he begins to appreciate what she has done for him and how she has stood by him and helped him overcome a tough time and feels its better to be with the person who loves you rather than the person you love. Years pass by, one day she gets "the proposal" from him. Life finally had given her all that she ever asked for.. life had given her in abundance for all that it had taken from her during her childhood and growing up years. Over the next few weeks she spends every waking moment planning her wedding and the life with the person she loves. Then, one fine day, out of the blue comes the ex-girlfriend of her fiancee .... regrets her past mistakes and begs him to take her back. Her fiancee has a epiphany that in fact he still loves his ex-girlfriend and he was going to compromise by settling for this woman and runs off with her. Now, life has turned a full circle.. she is again condemned to a life where she is made to realise that she was unwanted by the one person whom she loved the most. All her dreams were shattered by the person whom she helped get over a bad patch in his life; in fact she is left alone for loving someone selflessly.
Now, lets see if we still feel happy for the protagonists that they found love in the end. Was all well, in the end, that looked so well? I don't think so. If they were truly meant to be together, they would have believed in their love and waited for the other person to show up and not build their dreams on the tears of a person who had nothing to do with their "love story" but was loving one of them in good faith. How do we say that the protagonists was true love and our girl was not loving truly. Wasn't her love for the guy as much qualified to succeed as the ex-girlfriend who had dumped him at one time. We say all is fair in love... this surely doesn't seem fair. I rest my case.
PS: Special thanks to Mr. Kedar Amonkar, whose thoughts I am penning down in this blog.
So long....
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Bad times on good people...
Let me begin with a sweeping statement, "There are no bad people in this world. Its merely bad times on good people". Sounds gibberish right ? .. Think deeper and weigh my following arguments and maybe Ill convince you on this point. I, for one believe in this statement fully and this belief helps me get by many bad experiences in life. You could give it a thought.... maybe it will explain several events in your life.
Recently, I happened to meet an ex-girlfriend with whom things did not end well. Rather, she had crushed my spirit and left me bleeding. Even though the betrayal hadn't hurt me as much, the feeling that lived was "how stupid was I.. to not have seen this coming". I vividly remember my last words to her.. " Ill see you in hell".. I did not actually want bad things to happen to her, but somehow the humiliation of being taken for a ride didn't sit well. If devil had ever walked on the earth, it had to be her... was my deepest belief. Anyhu, I happened to run into her the other day and we exchanged pleasantries.. well not quite.. if looks could kill.. well you can guess the rest. It was not a nice meeting and I was very curt and caustic in my interaction. It felt nice.. felt like venting out a long held frustration. She, on the other hand was quite pleasant and replied to my un-pleasantries.. in a civil manner. That night, I got call from her and we spoke, spoke for few hours and during this, she explained every single thing she had done to me. Took pains to apologise for all the hurt feelings and said.. "You are the most cheerful person I ever met, if I have to see you pissed off.. means I have hurt you too badly.. Am sorry". After I hung up that night, I realised I was no longer angry at her. In fact, I endorsed all the things she did to me and felt I would do the same if I was in her situation. Quite a talk eh!!!
There can be so many instances that I can write about where people who cause us hurt feelings are hated until.. one fine day we realise.. it was the circumstances that were bad.. not the people involved. To make another sweeping statement, even a murderer or a rapist has a certain "just motive" behind the crime; its perverse to us, but to that person its a just cause. I say, if I were in their shoes and faced those circumstances, maybe I would be a criminal.. just like them. I don't have evidence to prove otherwise.
Last Sunday, I heard the pastor read from the bible, a verse, which is appropriate for this discussion. He said "Walk a mile in the shoes of others.. before you judge them". It explained the entire situation with the girlfriend to me. Maybe it will talk to you too. If we understand that people merely act out their circumstances, maybe we could cut some slack for the people in our life. If we realise that the sole aim of a friend who betrayed us.. or a parent who was harsh to us.. or a neighbour who ridiculed us, was not to hurt us; they would have done it anyway... its just we were co-incidentally at the receiving end. Life would seem so much better... the feeling of being a victim would not haunt us and we would live more in harmony with ourselves.
So long....
Recently, I happened to meet an ex-girlfriend with whom things did not end well. Rather, she had crushed my spirit and left me bleeding. Even though the betrayal hadn't hurt me as much, the feeling that lived was "how stupid was I.. to not have seen this coming". I vividly remember my last words to her.. " Ill see you in hell".. I did not actually want bad things to happen to her, but somehow the humiliation of being taken for a ride didn't sit well. If devil had ever walked on the earth, it had to be her... was my deepest belief. Anyhu, I happened to run into her the other day and we exchanged pleasantries.. well not quite.. if looks could kill.. well you can guess the rest. It was not a nice meeting and I was very curt and caustic in my interaction. It felt nice.. felt like venting out a long held frustration. She, on the other hand was quite pleasant and replied to my un-pleasantries.. in a civil manner. That night, I got call from her and we spoke, spoke for few hours and during this, she explained every single thing she had done to me. Took pains to apologise for all the hurt feelings and said.. "You are the most cheerful person I ever met, if I have to see you pissed off.. means I have hurt you too badly.. Am sorry". After I hung up that night, I realised I was no longer angry at her. In fact, I endorsed all the things she did to me and felt I would do the same if I was in her situation. Quite a talk eh!!!
There can be so many instances that I can write about where people who cause us hurt feelings are hated until.. one fine day we realise.. it was the circumstances that were bad.. not the people involved. To make another sweeping statement, even a murderer or a rapist has a certain "just motive" behind the crime; its perverse to us, but to that person its a just cause. I say, if I were in their shoes and faced those circumstances, maybe I would be a criminal.. just like them. I don't have evidence to prove otherwise.
Last Sunday, I heard the pastor read from the bible, a verse, which is appropriate for this discussion. He said "Walk a mile in the shoes of others.. before you judge them". It explained the entire situation with the girlfriend to me. Maybe it will talk to you too. If we understand that people merely act out their circumstances, maybe we could cut some slack for the people in our life. If we realise that the sole aim of a friend who betrayed us.. or a parent who was harsh to us.. or a neighbour who ridiculed us, was not to hurt us; they would have done it anyway... its just we were co-incidentally at the receiving end. Life would seem so much better... the feeling of being a victim would not haunt us and we would live more in harmony with ourselves.
So long....
Monday, November 8, 2010
Happy birthday !!!
It was my mom's 75th birthday and I had promised to get her a diamond ring to commemorate the jubilee year. I bought her the ring a week prior to her birthday and my wife suggested we bring it to her on her birthday and spend the day with her. Of late, my mom seemed a little lonely and spending a day with her would be the kind of "pick me up" she needed. I took the day off and decided we will make that day special for her. However, on that day I recieved an urgent call from work and had to go. I asked my wife to visit my mom and present the gift on our behalf and I would try and join in. The work took longer than expected and late in the evening I got a call from my wife telling me that she had made reservations for dinner and I was supposed to take my mother out for dinner. I was not in the mood but she forced me saying my mom needed my presence to make this day special for her.
Well, I reluctantly went for the dinner and actually had a very nice time, it had been ages I had talked to my mom and this gave us an excellent opportunity to connect over dinner. In the end, I told her this would be my treat and that she would have to treat me in a bigger restaurant to which she said "anything for my son!!!". I dropped her home and reached my place. My wife was up waiting for me and asked me how did it go. I thanked her for pushing me to go out and I knew it meant a lot to my mother. Few days later I received a call from my mom and she said, it was time she treated me and said she would make reservations for dinner at a 5-star hotel for the two of us and that this "date" could not be cancelled. I was game for it; in fact waiting eagerly for it.
A week prior to our "date", my mom's friend called me in office; it was a frantic call that my mom was hospitalized and asking me to come immediately. I rushed to the hospital to see her. She had passed away before I reached. She suffered a major heart attack and was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. As I sat there in a shocked state, unable to come up with any thought or words, her friend told me that my mom was very happy that I had taken her for dinner the other night and was bragging about it with her friends... She also handed me an envelope that my mom wanted me to have. Later that night, after mom's funeral, as I sat thinking about what kind of son I had been to to my late mother, I suddenly remembered the envelope. I looked for it and opened it. There was a dinner reservation for 2 and letter which read..
" Dear Son,
You have been a wonderful son to me and I will miss you. The dinner I had with you on my birthday was the best time I had and I cannot explain how much it meant to me. Thank you for giving me a special birthday present.
Your loving
Mom.
PS: I have kept dinner reservation for you and your wife along with this. I dint know if I would be able to come along so I paid for it in advance. Do enjoy my gift. "
I wept unconsolably that night thinking of all the days I chose to be in office rather than spend time with my family and my mother.
So long....
Well, I reluctantly went for the dinner and actually had a very nice time, it had been ages I had talked to my mom and this gave us an excellent opportunity to connect over dinner. In the end, I told her this would be my treat and that she would have to treat me in a bigger restaurant to which she said "anything for my son!!!". I dropped her home and reached my place. My wife was up waiting for me and asked me how did it go. I thanked her for pushing me to go out and I knew it meant a lot to my mother. Few days later I received a call from my mom and she said, it was time she treated me and said she would make reservations for dinner at a 5-star hotel for the two of us and that this "date" could not be cancelled. I was game for it; in fact waiting eagerly for it.
A week prior to our "date", my mom's friend called me in office; it was a frantic call that my mom was hospitalized and asking me to come immediately. I rushed to the hospital to see her. She had passed away before I reached. She suffered a major heart attack and was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. As I sat there in a shocked state, unable to come up with any thought or words, her friend told me that my mom was very happy that I had taken her for dinner the other night and was bragging about it with her friends... She also handed me an envelope that my mom wanted me to have. Later that night, after mom's funeral, as I sat thinking about what kind of son I had been to to my late mother, I suddenly remembered the envelope. I looked for it and opened it. There was a dinner reservation for 2 and letter which read..
" Dear Son,
You have been a wonderful son to me and I will miss you. The dinner I had with you on my birthday was the best time I had and I cannot explain how much it meant to me. Thank you for giving me a special birthday present.
Your loving
Mom.
PS: I have kept dinner reservation for you and your wife along with this. I dint know if I would be able to come along so I paid for it in advance. Do enjoy my gift. "
I wept unconsolably that night thinking of all the days I chose to be in office rather than spend time with my family and my mother.
So long....
Silver lining.. in every cloud
I was on one of my regular visits to the "Old age home" to give clothes and medicines to the homeless senior citizens and I happened to meet Hank (at least he insisted I called him that). Hank was in merchant Navy for 25 years and sailed to many destinations around the world. He began by telling me how he lived a satisfying life and had enjoyed the beauty of this world to the hilt. I could see the excitement in his eyes when he was happily recounting his hey-days and it made me wonder how lonely this guy was. Imagine, he was so deprived of human contact that he was almost bursting with excitement about getting to interact with someone, that someone he had never seen before and maybe will never see again and it made me feel sorry for him. I think he saw the pity in my eyes and stopped briefly to say "I hope you not feeling sad to see me in this state, cos I am not". While I stood there mumbling few incoherent words of apology, he said.. "You know I need a friendly ear, I get enough pity and frankly I don't understand why..am I coming off as needy ? Is it wrong to be friendly with an total stranger.." and frankly I had no answer to his questions. As I stood there blankly staring at him, he turned his gaze away as if asking me to leave.
I went and met few other people and on the way back came into Hank's room to say good bye, he sat up and looked directly into my eyes and said.. "Don't be sad for me, I have lived a full life and as I live my last few days, I have no regrets.. I have a nice room; a TV to keep me updated about latest happenings; a nice garden to have a walk..not too shabby a life for an old man in his eighties". Then he smiled and gave me a tight hug and a peck on my cheeks. While I was about to leave, he said "Promise me you will live a life with no regrets and try and spend some time for yourself every day".. as I was nodding smilingly he said "Thank you" with tears in his eyes, "the time you spent with me will be memorable". I left with a strange feeling that day. I had planned to meet Hank the next time I was there because I felt I had seen a friend in him.
3 months later when I visited with next batch of medicines, I heard Hank had passed couple of weeks after I last met him. The matron told me that he was very happy the last few weeks and happy that he had "young friend". She told me that for last 15 years Hank was with them, he had lost his wife and his children were not able to take care of him. He voluntarily moved in the "Old Age home" with his stuff and began to live there. Whenever he was reminded of his wife and family, he would sit and talk for hours about his life as sailor; about places he had seen and life he had lived. It made him feel validated. I happened to meet him on one of those days and instead of listening to him could conjure only handful of pity for the old man. Was there a smaller man than me!!! It also struck me that most people we meet in life "accidentally" touch our life in their own little way. No one expects us to alleviate their pain, but everyone loves a friendly ear. If we could give our time instead of our pity, we will be much better human beings.
I still spend some time for myself every single day and remember Hank when I am at "low points" of my life. If Hank could afford a smile after being "unwanted" by his own family for 15 years, I could smile my little troubles away by remembering my "good times". Its all about finding the silver lining I guess.
PS: This is a true story. I hardly spent 15 minutes with Hank but he deeply impacted my life. Its the quality of time not the quantity that matters I guess.
So long.....
I went and met few other people and on the way back came into Hank's room to say good bye, he sat up and looked directly into my eyes and said.. "Don't be sad for me, I have lived a full life and as I live my last few days, I have no regrets.. I have a nice room; a TV to keep me updated about latest happenings; a nice garden to have a walk..not too shabby a life for an old man in his eighties". Then he smiled and gave me a tight hug and a peck on my cheeks. While I was about to leave, he said "Promise me you will live a life with no regrets and try and spend some time for yourself every day".. as I was nodding smilingly he said "Thank you" with tears in his eyes, "the time you spent with me will be memorable". I left with a strange feeling that day. I had planned to meet Hank the next time I was there because I felt I had seen a friend in him.
3 months later when I visited with next batch of medicines, I heard Hank had passed couple of weeks after I last met him. The matron told me that he was very happy the last few weeks and happy that he had "young friend". She told me that for last 15 years Hank was with them, he had lost his wife and his children were not able to take care of him. He voluntarily moved in the "Old Age home" with his stuff and began to live there. Whenever he was reminded of his wife and family, he would sit and talk for hours about his life as sailor; about places he had seen and life he had lived. It made him feel validated. I happened to meet him on one of those days and instead of listening to him could conjure only handful of pity for the old man. Was there a smaller man than me!!! It also struck me that most people we meet in life "accidentally" touch our life in their own little way. No one expects us to alleviate their pain, but everyone loves a friendly ear. If we could give our time instead of our pity, we will be much better human beings.
I still spend some time for myself every single day and remember Hank when I am at "low points" of my life. If Hank could afford a smile after being "unwanted" by his own family for 15 years, I could smile my little troubles away by remembering my "good times". Its all about finding the silver lining I guess.
PS: This is a true story. I hardly spent 15 minutes with Hank but he deeply impacted my life. Its the quality of time not the quantity that matters I guess.
So long.....
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