To love or not to love..

To love or not to love is not in our hands.. its an instinct of sorts, because more often than not we do not choose the people we want to love, it sort of takes care of itself.

Abhi never thought Pam was the type of girl he would normally be attracted to. For starters, she worked in his office and he had heard a lot of her attitude being a problem for guys to approach. Somehow, with no prior planning, he asked her out on a date and she refused him bluntly. Known for his persistence, 3 weeks later he succeeded in taking her out for dinner and movie. Nothing dramatic happened on that date and after he dropped her off at her apartment that night he would not have imagined that one day he would be in love with this girl. Something that he never planned happened that night, something that was strange.

Pam was like the girl next door, chirpy, bubbly and full of playful antics. She could get away with most things making a cute innocent face that would disarm the opponent and she knew she had this power. There was no one who could point a finger at her and she was doted by one and all. Obviously, she, being the "hot-chick" of the team, was used to the "male attention" most of the time. One day this new guy in her office asks her out unexpectedly and not knowing how to respond, she refuses. Probably, she just wants to make sure that he actually wants to take her out and is not stumbling upon her. After 3 weeks of persistence she is out on a date with Abhi.

Abhi is like a man-with-a-plan. Mostly he does the right things when out on a date and more often than not ends up charming the girl all ends up. Either, Pam was hiding her feelings too nicely or he was horribly wrong that night, as he dropped her off that night, he didn't see the normal enthusiasm in her. It was like saying "Huh.. what the hell.. it was better than sitting at home". It didn't go well with him, not one bit. It confused him completely and he wanted to figure out how did he go wrong on this date.

Innumerable dates later, he still was unable to figure her out. She would be hot as fudge and cold as ice at the same time, this combination was killing Abhi and his quest for Pam became the only obsession for him. He would take her out on romantic dates, they would talk at great lengths about almost any topic in the world. They knew each others' family like their own despite not having met them. He would readily do anything for her and she for him. Despite all this, something was cosmetic, something just didn't feel right, something didn't make her feel that he truly loved her.

Pam was like the apple of her parents eye. She was doted ever since she was a child. There was never an instance that she was scolded by her father and rarely by her mother. She had, what you would call a fun filled childhood full of love and attention. Match that to the notoriety of her elder brother and it would not be rocket science to guess that most of her relatives loved her. She made wonderful friends all her life; friends who would absolutely do anything for her and would take care of her like a flower. She could be herself in their company with no one being judgmental and it was all pure unadulterated fun. Being the focus of guys' attention was not new to her either, she was kinda used to being in the spotlight all the time and being pursued all the time.


It finally dawned to Abhi what that strange feeling was, he had finally realized that no matter what he does for Pam, she would never notice it. A girl who has experienced so much love from everyone she met will never notice that he loves her. There is no scope for him to make a gesture to her that will be so unique, that it would make him special to her. It was almost like a fortress of family and friends which he will never be able to breach. That didn't break his confidence and he continued to love her with all he has, for he had realized that there was some thing special in this woman that endeared her to all and it was a privilege to have known and loved her.


God gives us all something special, this was her special gift and he had to live with it. Plus maybe she did love him and cared for him and maybe he was expecting a spectacular gesture... which didn't come along ... just because she didn't love him the way he did, doesn't mean she didn't love him with all she had.


Maybe this is true.... maybe not.. no one would ever know.


So long..