Bad times on good people...

Let me begin with a sweeping statement, "There are no bad people in this world. Its merely bad times on good people". Sounds gibberish right ? .. Think deeper and weigh my following arguments and maybe Ill convince you on this point. I, for one believe in this statement fully and this belief helps me get by many bad experiences in life. You could give it a thought.... maybe it will explain several events in your life.


Recently, I happened to meet an ex-girlfriend with whom things did not end well. Rather, she had crushed my spirit and left me bleeding. Even though the betrayal hadn't hurt me as much, the feeling that lived was "how stupid was I.. to not have seen this coming". I vividly remember my last words to her.. " Ill see you in hell".. I did not actually want bad things to happen to her, but somehow the humiliation of being taken for a ride didn't sit well. If devil had ever walked on the earth, it had to be her... was my deepest belief. Anyhu, I happened to run into her the other day and we exchanged pleasantries.. well not quite.. if looks could kill.. well you can guess the rest. It was not a nice meeting and I was very curt and caustic in my interaction. It felt nice.. felt like venting out a long held frustration. She, on the other hand was quite pleasant and replied to my un-pleasantries.. in a civil manner. That night, I got call from her and we spoke, spoke for few hours and during this, she explained every single thing she had done to me. Took pains to apologise for all the hurt feelings and said.. "You are the most cheerful person I ever met, if I have to see you pissed off.. means I have hurt you too badly.. Am sorry". After I hung up that night, I realised I was no longer angry at her. In fact, I endorsed all the things she did to me and felt I would do the same if I was in her situation. Quite a talk eh!!!


There can be so many instances that I can write about where people who cause us hurt feelings are hated until.. one fine day we realise.. it was the circumstances that were bad.. not the people involved. To make another sweeping statement, even a murderer or a rapist has a certain "just motive" behind the crime; its perverse to us, but to that person its a just cause. I say, if I were in their shoes and faced those circumstances, maybe I would be a criminal.. just like them. I don't have evidence to prove otherwise.


Last Sunday, I heard the pastor read from the bible, a verse, which is appropriate for this discussion. He said "Walk a mile in the shoes of others.. before you judge them". It explained the entire situation with the girlfriend to me. Maybe it will talk to you too. If we understand that people merely act out their circumstances, maybe we could cut some slack for the people in our life. If we realise that the sole aim of a friend who betrayed us.. or a parent who was harsh to us.. or a neighbour who ridiculed us, was not to hurt us; they would have done it anyway... its just we were co-incidentally at the receiving end. Life would seem so much better... the feeling of being a victim would not haunt us and we would live more in harmony with ourselves.

So long....

Happy birthday !!!

It was my mom's 75th birthday and I had promised to get her a diamond ring to commemorate the jubilee year. I bought her the ring a week prior to her birthday and my wife suggested we bring it to her on her birthday and spend the day with her. Of late, my mom seemed a little lonely and spending a day with her would be the kind of "pick me up" she needed. I took the day off and decided we will make that day special for her. However, on that day I recieved an urgent call from work and had to go. I asked my wife to visit my mom and present the gift on our behalf and I would try and join in. The work took longer than expected and late in the evening I got a call from my wife telling me that she had made reservations for dinner and I was supposed to take my mother out for dinner. I was not in the mood but she forced me saying my mom needed my presence to make this day special for her.


Well, I reluctantly went for the dinner and actually had a very nice time, it had been ages I had talked to my mom and this gave us an excellent opportunity to connect over dinner. In the end, I told her this would be my treat and that she would have to treat me in a bigger restaurant to which she said "anything for my son!!!". I dropped her home and reached my place. My wife was up waiting for me and asked me how did it go. I thanked her for pushing me to go out and I knew it meant a lot to my mother. Few days later I received a call from my mom and she said, it was time she treated me and said she would make reservations for dinner at a 5-star hotel for the two of us and that this "date" could not be cancelled. I was game for it; in fact waiting eagerly for it.


A week prior to our "date", my mom's friend called me in office; it was a frantic call that my mom was hospitalized and asking me to come immediately. I rushed to the hospital to see her. She had passed away before I reached. She suffered a major heart attack and was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. As I sat there in a shocked state, unable to come up with any thought or words, her friend told me that my mom was very happy that I had taken her for dinner the other night and was bragging about it with her friends... She also handed me an envelope that my mom wanted me to have. Later that night, after mom's funeral, as I sat thinking about what kind of son I had been to to my late mother, I suddenly remembered the envelope. I looked for it and opened it. There was a dinner reservation for 2 and letter which read..

" Dear Son,
You have been a wonderful son to me and I will miss you. The dinner I had with you on my birthday was the best time I had and I cannot explain how much it meant to me. Thank you for giving me a special birthday present.

Your loving
Mom.

PS: I have kept dinner reservation for you and your wife along with this. I dint know if I would be able to come along so I paid for it in advance. Do enjoy my gift. "

I wept unconsolably that night thinking of all the days I chose to be in office rather than spend time with my family and my mother.

So long....

Silver lining.. in every cloud

I was on one of my regular visits to the "Old age home" to give clothes and medicines to the homeless senior citizens and I happened to meet Hank (at least he insisted I called him that). Hank was in merchant Navy for 25 years and sailed to many destinations around the world. He began by telling me how he lived a satisfying life and had enjoyed the beauty of this world to the hilt. I could see the excitement in his eyes when he was happily recounting his hey-days and it made me wonder how lonely this guy was. Imagine, he was so deprived of human contact that he was almost bursting with excitement about getting to interact with someone, that someone he had never seen before and maybe will never see again and it made me feel sorry for him. I think he saw the pity in my eyes and stopped briefly to say "I hope you not feeling sad to see me in this state, cos I am not". While I stood there mumbling few incoherent words of apology, he said.. "You know I need a friendly ear, I get enough pity and frankly I don't understand why..am I coming off as needy ? Is it wrong to be friendly with an total stranger.." and frankly I had no answer to his questions. As I stood there blankly staring at him, he turned his gaze away as if asking me to leave.


I went and met few other people and on the way back came into Hank's room to say good bye, he sat up and looked directly into my eyes and said.. "Don't be sad for me, I have lived a full life and as I live my last few days, I have no regrets.. I have a nice room; a TV to keep me updated about latest happenings; a nice garden to have a walk..not too shabby a life for an old man in his eighties". Then he smiled and gave me a tight hug and a peck on my cheeks. While I was about to leave, he said "Promise me you will live a life with no regrets and try and spend some time for yourself every day".. as I was nodding smilingly he said "Thank you" with tears in his eyes, "the time you spent with me will be memorable". I left with a strange feeling that day. I had planned to meet Hank the next time I was there because I felt I had seen a friend in him.


3 months later when I visited with next batch of medicines, I heard Hank had passed couple of weeks after I last met him. The matron told me that he was very happy the last few weeks and happy that he had "young friend". She told me that for last 15 years Hank was with them, he had lost his wife and his children were not able to take care of him. He voluntarily moved in the "Old Age home" with his stuff and began to live there. Whenever he was reminded of his wife and family, he would sit and talk for hours about his life as sailor; about places he had seen and life he had lived. It made him feel validated. I happened to meet him on one of those days and instead of listening to him could conjure only handful of pity for the old man. Was there a smaller man than me!!! It also struck me that most people we meet in life "accidentally" touch our life in their own little way. No one expects us to alleviate their pain, but everyone loves a friendly ear. If we could give our time instead of our pity, we will be much better human beings.


I still spend some time for myself every single day and remember Hank when I am at "low points" of my life. If Hank could afford a smile after being "unwanted" by his own family for 15 years, I could smile my little troubles away by remembering my "good times". Its all about finding the silver lining I guess.


PS: This is a true story. I hardly spent 15 minutes with Hank but he deeply impacted my life. Its the quality of time not the quantity that matters I guess.


So long.....

With great power comes great responsibility

Arundhati Roy, a Booker prize winner and more recently, a social activist and campaigner must begin to choose her words carefully. She has a command over the English language and the State of India granting her the freedom of speech, does not necessarily mean she can go to town on issues that are delicate and need political maneuvering rather than hard hammering. Its time people like her realise that not every issue needs a campaign and a champion, some issues need time and patience. Getting on the nerve of the State for every damn issue is not the way forward, it merely hardens stances and reduces the room for negotiation. Indirectly, its harming the cause of the same people whose cause she claims to espouse.


To me she is just a lose mouthed canon that goes off at wrong times and does not help any one's cause. Its time she is reined in and for good. Its time people know that the fundamental rights granted to us by the Constitution of India are inalienable but are not absolute. The misuse of the said rights will not be taken in good taste by the State. Every State needs a conscience keeper and it is for this sacred duty that every citizen must use his rights to freedom of speech, not to hammer in wrong places and cause unrest among the population. Ms. Roy seems to have lost it completely and not for the first time. She has been testing the patience of the State of India for more than a year and acting counterproductive to the same State that gives her the right to free speech.


Firstly, it was the Naxal issue. Every Indian empathises with the atrocities meted out to some tribals long-long ago. This issue was not resolved and some left wing extremists took this up to justify their war on the Indian state. They started blowing up bridges, killing police personnel and causing lot of infrastructure damage. In short, they did not allow these areas to develop on the pace that rest of India is developing. Then comes our lady Ms. Roy and speaks on the same issue, only this time, blames India for not developing these areas and conveniently ignores the destruction caused by the Naxal movement. To her, if a Naxalite kills state police personnel its justified as "self defense" but if the State is imposing the rule of law in a land where it seems to have collapsed, it becomes excesses meted out by a rouge State. In her view, India should act as a banana republic and allow every region a right to secede from the nation. God forbid, if the State imposes its authority and sovereignty, it becomes a colonial power which colonises the said regions. I cannot fathom what kind of skewed mindset this is. Is she really naive or playing plain stupid. Is she on the payroll of the enemies of the State of India, trying to stay within the society and trying to disintegrate the nation. Mind boggles with naivety of her stupid arguments.



Kashmir is seething in the fires burning and every able minded Indian is concerned about how to bring back the normalcy in Kashmir. Now, more than ever its imperative on the State not to fail its people and India is doing just that by nominating 3 interlocutors to get every shade of opinion in the valley and try to assuage the pain felt by the Kashmiri in the street. Enter our trouble seeker Ms. Roy. First in Delhi, then in Srinagar she shoots her mouth off stating that India is a force occupying Kashmir and holding it. Indian army is meting inexplicable damage on the psyche of the Kashmiri and they are tortured, raped etc into saying that they are Indians. This one sentence should not be let to pass. It undermines our soldiers and the lifelong service that they have rendered to us. It is easy to criticise the Army, putting on their hats and standing within 300 feet of the LOC, facing the enemy guns is a whole different story. The Army has been doing this for past 60 years, protecting the territorial integrity of the nation. Be it Kashmir, Nagaland, Arunanchal Pradesh or West Bengal, they stand like a sturdy wall facing all the bullets and keeping the average Indian safe in the street. The very freedom that Ms. Roy uses to shoot her mouth off is achieved by the sweat and blood of the men in uniform, so we must not denigrate them so lightly who have served us so diligently. Agreed, many mistakes have been made in handling situations but then again we must remember that army is not trained to handle civilian areas so there is bound to be some collateral damage when they operate. Mistakes made by few officers (though not condoned) cannot be extrapolated to entire armed forces and there is no case for calling them an occupying force.



If the armed personnel knew that the freedom and sovereignty of India that they protect laying down their lives, will be talked about so lightly by "intellectuals" of the nation, who, forever espouse the "human rights" of the terrorists and naxals and denigrate the very forces that protect them, they would think twice before signing up for duty. The families would not send their sons and daughters in harms way to fight for the country if the citizens are going to throw away the objectives for few sensational sound bites. People like Ms. Arundhati Roy are not loyal to anything, neither the nation nor the cause that they stand for. They are merely publicity hungry individuals who find it fashionable to make ludicrous statements in the name of "freedom of speech" and "justice for poor".


I would sincerely appeal to the likes of Ms. Roy to not play with fire and to use their influence over society for solving problems rather than stoking fire using mindless speeches and articles. Its time the "intellectuals" come out of their ideal bookish world and be part of some practical solutions to the society.

So long...

Pretty Woman

Julia Roberts and "pretty woman" go hand in hand. It was the first movie of Julia Roberts that I ever watched and even though it didn't make much sense to me (I was very young back then), I loved her screen presence and Richard Gere's panache. I am not here to talk about her though, its about my very own take on pretty woman (not the movie).

Years and years of male shallowness about female beauty has made a major impact on the female brain. Women are now, more than ever convinced that how they look constitutes a major portion about how the world perceives them. In India the love for fair skin tone is additional burden that women carry. Indians are unique, they are just fascinated by the erstwhile colonial masters and their skin tone and have accepted its superiority. It has nothing to do with racism, its pure fascination. Of late, the men have changed their view about female beauty, the fulsome bodies that once all men lusted for, are not longer all that they need. Men have gone deeper than that and accepted virtues as the best assets in a woman. They want their woman to be intelligent, empathetic, caring and understanding person rather than just a arm candy. Let me clarify, I am talking about men, not boys. Boys will forever chase the bimbos.. no doubt about that, but I was hoping that women would have began to love the real men rather than having boy-toys.


This brings me back to my earlier point, pretty woman. The thing I learnt after revisiting the movie and a few life experiences is this, the parameters that men use to find a mate have changed and its high time the women realise this. Its no longer a virtue to be a virgin bride as once understood, men find women who can take them on.... on an equal footing more sexier. Men want someone whom they can share their thoughts with, someone who understands their needs to be competitive, someone who can take care of them and love them for all their shortcomings. If this particular woman looks like Julia Roberts, great... but that's not a required attribute anymore.


Its time women wake up to this reality and know that the next time they dress to kill, they are doing it just for female competition, bcos the guy whom they wanna end up with, will have her looks as last priority and the ones that fall for looks aren't gonna be around for long.

So long...

Learning to let go...

Hi guys, back after a while. In the past few days watched a lot of romantic movies, I mean conventional chick flicks and realised that they all depict a golden rule that they don't mean to highlight in the movies. Believe me, this is the only thing that sounds true and is close to reality not all the mush that is depicted and the overdose of romance. I am highlighting on one particular point.. "learning to let go". Its not as easy as it sounds and I myself have failed miserably at this so would not be in preaching mood regarding this, but it would be great if we learnt it and tried to adopt.


Love is one of the truest emotions known to mankind and one of the happiest because while "in love" one learns to give rather than receive and puts other persons interest above their own. In short one feels powerful than the beloved and feels the control in the relationship. This works both ways. However, I am not gonna harp about the bliss of love; I am here to discuss the aftermath of a breakup. People who have gone through a breakup in life will tell you it makes you feel vulnerable, used, in some cases dirty and in most cases a loser. Well, I am here to say that you need not feel this way. You know that you did nothing wrong in loving the person and did all things possible to make the relationship work, so you don't deserve to feel so low, in fact you should feel pity for the other person and learn to "let go".


Never use a breakup to highlight each others flaws and leave the other party bleeding. Instead acknowledge that the other person made you happy and whilst the relationship is over, you will always respect the fondly remember the times spent together. Treat a breakup like the death of a relationship; you cry and feel sorrow for the death, but its wise to have a memorial and highlight the "good times" rather than spiral into a unending pit of worst possible human emotions. Like you "let go" of the person who has died but use their memories as a memorabilia that would live with you forever, you must let go of your loved one and wish them good luck in the life beyond you. Wish them well. Do not, at any cost bad mouth the person in front of friends and close relatives, always remember you loved that person more than yourself and in the death you do not insult your love.


In the end, you must use every experience in life to improve yourself as a person and a human being and if the best experience of your life is making you take an extreme step or pushing you close to insanity then it somehow isn't fair to you. I read this quote in a book " Don't love anyone so much that you cant let go", I learnt its meaning recently.

So long....

Living the Indian dream...

July 4 1776, the day United States of America declared its Independence from colonial rule using an charter called the United States 'Declaration of Independence'. The US as we know it today; is based on the constitution formed then, by its founding fathers and they swear by it even today, in the 21st century, nearly 234 years after its Independence. The founding fathers gave every American; an inalienable rights of Life, Liberty and Pursuit of happiness and people to this day call it living the American dream. Elections are fought and won on the ability to provide a conducive environment by the candidate to his fellow Americans to live the "American dream". Its this simple concept called the "American dream" that unites 350 million Americans under one roof; they are no more blacks and whites, immigrants and locals they are only Americans. They are proud of the fact that they are a beacon to a democratic world and they preach and practice it.



India was liberated from its colonial masters some 60 odd years ago. We are still a young democracy and have not yet perfected the art. There are sections of public life that are conducted as part of dynastic politics or personal fiefdom. There are many a loop holes in our "system" and no one denies that; but we are a great country despite these shortcomings. The constitution came into force in 1950 and our founding fathers put a lot of thought into the draft and kept it a live document rather than a snapshot of the past, meaning there have been constant amendments based on change of times. There are so many provisions of our constitution that we know not of, so many rights given to us that our masses don't exercise and the political class have done very little to sell brand India to its masses. Why are we so proud of America and its "system" while know very little of our own. We do not bother to know who our leaders are and what do they stand for, when the elections are held; but we know every single detail about the US president including his personal life and its gory details. Why are we so unwilling to contribute to our society and create and build brand India but more than willing to contribute to the research and economy of western nations. Its a sad state of affairs and being a proud Indian, I feel pity that 1.2 billion people are failing a great nation. We are split into people who are unaware of what they can do to help India and people who are unwilling to do anything for India.



Commonwealth games is an excellent example of the same. People like Suresh Kalmadi and his cronies knew what they had to deliver and on what timeline, some 8 years ago, yet they messed it up willfully. They failed their nation because they were unwilling to do what was required. The rest of us were so apathetic about athletic sports that we were unaware how we could help. Even now, we do not care to go and cheer our team when they are competing. Its people like us that allow the Suresh Kalmadi's to stick to an important post of IOA president for freaking 15 years, milking it dry of funds. I don't remember the last time India has won a medal in athletics, mostly because of lack of infrastructure and proper coaches and add to that corrupt officials who are willing to siphon off all the funds allocated for the players. The sad part is, this is not all that is wrong with us. There are so many ways corruption has crept into our systems that now we have began to accept it as a way of life. When was the last time we went into a government organization and got through without paying a bribe? That's the problem, accepting that we are corrupt and living with it. We, the citizens of this great country have done a great disservice to our nation and are diluting its brand value oversees. People look at us as smart and industrious; but in the same breath say we cant be relied upon and are easily corruptible.

The first thing we have to change, and quickly is refuse to be corrupted and take accountability of our actions. The moment you realise that what you do matters to the country and you are in a very small way contributing to the brand India, you will know how to differentiate the right and wrong. Chinese are fiercely patriotic in this field. They know the don't deliver best of the goods (quality wise) but every person swears by Chinese goods. They don't have best of the governments but they still stand by it and don't like to hear people bad mouthing their government. They don't have free hand to express themselves but they don't complain and find ways to make the best of existing circumstances. If they can be proud of a nation that does not even give them freedom to vote, then why not us. Why are Indians the first to bad mouth our systems rather than making an effort to change them. Why are we the first in line to abuse our rights and break our laws then use our positions to get away with it. Why don't we realise that we are the "system" and its deficiencies are our deficiencies. Just ask yourself, if we the people of India don't work for our country.... who will ???

So long....

Little victories......

Hello friends.. I recently heard a song which kinda made sense to me in many ways and I thought more people should hear about it that's why I am posting it here. Funny story, it gives out a different meaning to every reader depending on whats going on in your life. So enzoy.....

This time, I'll be sailing
No more bailing boats for me
I'll be out here on the sea
Just my confidence and me
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On the little victories

This time, I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Turn my back towards them all
I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
I'll learn to get ; I'll learn to get by
On the little victories

And if the world decides to catch up with me
It's a little victory.



Here's to all the little victories of our lives that help us motor on despite all the setbacks and failures that we face. Cheerz :)

So long..

Whatever I do is insignificant... but its important that I do it.

Hello guys, been reading a lot lately and came across this particular quote and I found it interesting. Add to that, another quote I heard President Obama use a lot, "Be the change you want to see in this world" and you have a recipe for a short story. Frankly, I do not idolise Barack Obama and I find the story of his life pretty regular, even though it may seem like "living the American dream" to many. However, I do like his views, the articulate manner in which he puts them forward and certain motivational quotes he uses from time to time in his speeches. I would pick one of them and give my 2 cents worth on the same.


Every time I think of doing something out of the regular, I used to ask myself will it matter to anyone what I do? Will anyone notice that I did a good thing towards XYZ ; will the world ever know my story. Turns out, no one cares what I do and no one is interested in it.. then should I go ahead and do it? I think I should, cos its important to me. Anna Hazare, the eternal crusader against corruption or say the countless NGOs that are working in India today, worked / work / will work despite the fact that people like us show general apathy towards the cause they take up. They do it to validate their beliefs and most importantly to be the change they want to see in this world.


Sister Teresa started the Missionaries of Charity at Calcutta when she was merely an 20 year old Nun. She used to go into the slums on Calcutta and try and nurse the poor and homeless. She had a small group of people assisting her and at that point of time. She neither had the financial or moral support to go on in this manner. Imagine, how many people must have told her to go back to her home country and run an educational institution, as most Nuns do. Imagine being in a foreign country; not knowing the language and going into the city's underbelly areas (normally infamous for shady activities) and trying to shelter the homeless; feed the hungry; clothe the poor and nurse the sick at cost of risking personal security. How many people would undergo so many adversities to take care of people you do not know, who are not even your country men with no publicity and with no one even bothering to ask "why are you doing this". Today, Missionaires of Charity is a renouned organization; Mother Teresa is a world citizen and soon the Vatican will grant her saint hood. But am sure if you asked Mother Teresa, she would say that she would have worked with same enthusiasm even without any recognition towards her work. That was because, she never did it for others to recognise, she did it to validate her inner call, to give the love of God to his less fortunate sons and daughters... most importantly to show respect towards human life.


Brings me to the original point, when we decide to do something, never think about how it is going to impact others; how many people will recognise the work, effort etc.. Always understand, whatever you do will always be insignificant at a world stage, but you must still go ahead and do it.. just for yourself... and for a fact that "If every person tries to be the change he wants in this world.. together, we can make this a better place for all" .....

So long .....

An eye for an eye makes half the world blind...

'Retribution' is one of the strongest word in English dictionary not quite as strong as 'Forgiveness' , but still strong enough b'coz it is involved in a major chunk of criminal motives. We have always heard people commit horrendous crimes to get even with each other and that brings us to the original question, why is retribution so important to us ? In other words, why is getting even with each other so important that we end up losing our minds and in many cases end up losing our lives for it.

When someone does something wrong towards us, that person knows it and is in a way burning in the guilt of it, the retribution that we seek is only gives a chance to justify that person's action in the first place and gives them even more reason to hate you. This is a vicious cycle that will never end. Whats funny though, is that none of the parties involved dare to forgive and end the matter. Its a simple solution and it seeks your revenge too. The next time someone does wrong towards you, acknowledge the fact that the wrong was done and then forgive them. Trust me, the guilt of wrong doing burns in them and brings about a change of heart and change in attitude. Its not an immediate effect, but we all know that instant solutions have never solved the problems.

In an Interview to the Press in Karachi about the execution of Bhagat Singh (23 March 1931); Gandhi begins by making a statement on his failure "to bring about the commutation of the death sentence of Bhagat Singh and his friends." He is asked two questions. First: "Do you not think it impolitic to forgive a government which has been guilty of a thousand murders?" Gandhi replies: "I do not know a single instance where forgiveness has been found so wanting as to be impolitic." In a follow-up question, Gandhi is asked: "But no country has ever shown such forgiveness as India is showing to Britain?" Gandhi replies: "That does not affect my reply. What is true of individuals is true of nations. One cannot forgive too much. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."


In today's world being a Gandhi and thinking like him is impractical, but if at one point in time we as a nation could forgive so many wrong doings of a foreign power then surely we can extend some bonhomie towards our own country men. Lets try walking past few bitter instances of life and dwelling on them, for life is all about living it up. If its impossible to forgive certain things in life, then we can surely let go of the person involved rather than seek mindless retribution. For once spake a great man, "An eye for an eye makes half the world blind"...

So long...